Sventon wandered barefoot through the open field of a dream, his feet sliding through the cool summer grass of his childhood home nestled in the plains near Kysmet. He watched as clouds drew wide shadows across the green expanse, their billowy bulkheads promising a much needed seasonal rain. Without warning the clouds thickened, darkened, no longer clouds but plumes of black smoke choking the sky above his father’s farm. The shadows turned the grass black, burning the life right out from unde...
The day had begun with a series of light flurries, coating the rocky skin of the Shouldertop with snow that had already melted into a thin layer of ice. The sun was shining, but the flurries would not abate; like a clear rain in the daylight, the weather seemed unsure of whether it wanted to be spring or winter, caught between seasons like a dog stuck in a doorway. Sventon Horst welcomed the sun as he and Gart plodded along the crest of the Broken Spine, hoping that the chill would lift alon...
Nobody knew where the girl came from or how long she had been among us. Not a single family in Cooper county could remember much of that raven-haired waif from before the flood that took Mrs. Breaux’s baby boy along the banks of Fen River, yet one glance at Miss Sunflower and you could have sworn you had known her since childhood. Her eyes danced an emerald-tinged tango while everyone else fumbled about in an elbow-pumping hee-haw; it wasn’t that her coy smile and lingering look made you feel...
I love the way the ABAB rhyme scheme seems so natural in the second and third stanzas that you don't even really notice it rhymes, but it does. The others are more obvious, but those two I especially liked. The theme of guilt and loss is very complex, and very well represented in this poem. We don't know how the woman died exactly, but the references to blood and hands "crimson consumed" lend a pretty disturbing and violent visual, so we know it wasn't an easy way to go which makes the narrat...
A very good piece. I enjoyed the sing-song lyrics you mingled with the main body of the prose; they emphasize the optimisim of the poem, encouraging us to put things into perspective and just wait "for a better day." The lives of the two characters portrayed here (a man who appears to be a car accident survivor/alchoholic and a lonely writer) are both seeminly devoid of emotion, like people who are just going through the motions of life totally unfufilled. One bets black, one bets red; there ...
This piece feels like it attempts to show the process of the human brain from birth to death. At first the river "runs swift," full of the twists and turns of the imagination of youth. It evolves and matures into a full life, surrounded by the memories of youth along the edges of perception (the riverbanks) until it eventually lingers and fades. The way the first line of the second stanza rhymes is very striking, and shows that you have an excellent sense of pace and rhythm. Keep up the good ...
Lots of good contradiction here between the sweet imagery and bitter tone. I get the sense that perhaps there was an argument between two lovers, the hazy memories of a better day mingling with the sadness of the speaker who seems to be drinking alone, wondering what went wrong. I like it very much.
Wow, I would love to know what went through your head when you first read this. It's incredibly complex for an 11-year-old, so you must have done something right to see such organized, multi-layered poetry from a child so young. If I were you I would be proud, as I see this as her way of telling you that she's dealing with some pretty heavy stuff, it upsets her deeply, but she trusts you completely and needs your love to understand it. I mean, holy crap man... I'd flip out if my 11-year-old h...