00_Swanky's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: West Chester, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 21
LOC: West Chester, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 21
00_Swanky (double-oh swank-e) is a secret agent with one mission in mind:
To write thrillers and other various stories that have the depth of a kiddy-pool, but are filled to the rim with the water of awesome.
Items
Version 1
16 Reviews
11 Comments
- 1 - A TOWN AND HER SHERIFF The small town of Whisper was nestled alongside a deep ravine that held no name or charm, save the small creek slowly carving away at its bottom. Stretching a scant five blocks from end to end, the town was well protected by the natural landscape. The nameless ravine provided a barrier to the left, and miles upon miles of sun-scorched flatlands to the right. The world vanished beyond a horizon of shimmering heat, leaving Whisper quiet and alone. The risk of climbi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
17 Reviews
9 Comments
Lying in bed each night, I think back over the last few years of my life. It’s soothing, helps me sleep. Ever since I returned from the surface of Mars, after those lonely days and nights amid the lifeless red surface, I’ve tried to dream my mother back to life. I’ve dreamt about her countless times, but for all I’ve tried…she remains dead. Wishful thinking, I suppose. She still lives on in my heart, and as sappy of a thing to say, she’s probably much safer there than if she were back on this...
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Reviews
Hrmmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this. On a personal level, I feel the first chapter of a book is supposed to grab the reader and pull them into the story. But when reading this, I found myself constantly wondering when and where that was going to happen, and what the point of the story was. Then at the end, it came. Our buddy Jack gets into the car accident and plunges over the bridge. That part peaked my interest, but everything before it seemed almost pointless to throw into the chapte...
Very nice little story you've got here. It's very easy to see that this is an early draft, but the quality is already fairly acceptable by most standards. No errors really jumped off of the 'page' and distracted me, so that's definitely a plus for such an early first draft. :) The story overall seemed a bit predictable, especially once the mention of the girl drowning came into play. Not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but I'm just going off of my first reaction to the story. As I was readin...
Very nice use of words to evoke imagery. I liked that there were questions in here, so not only are we thinking about the images you present, but the questions you pose. I'm no poet, but I enjoyed it. It was simple, and I don't mean that as a negative criticism. I believe you hit every one of the five senses except for hearing, which was pretty impressive in only 77 words :D
The concept sounds very 'it' right now, focusing on the fear of terrorism effecting our country in the aftermath of an attack. I believe Nelson DeMille writes stories like these. The story summary itself shows a lot of promise, as you could conceivably have up to 5 main characters all in different cities and towns, telling five different tales over a quite-lengthy novel. They could all be so drastically different that you could even break them up into five short stories, each with a different...
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