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1Nevermind1's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 23
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 23
I like to write, which is why I made an account on here… I think my stuff is okay, it’s certainly improved from when I first started attempting to write properly like two to three years ago. :D I only write fantasy really, and I tend to write about rather depressing scenarios from time to time.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Syana tucked a singular strand of raven hair behind one of her ears, her eyes downcast. Apprehension was filling her with each passing second. “You want to set fire to the house?” her voice was higher than usual. Her fiancée looked up at her, very close, from behind a curtain of dark brown hair. She was very aware of his eyes, almost amber in the candle-light, staring at her, very nearly soft. Nearly. He looked up even further and kissed her before stepping backward...
Version 1
16 Reviews
1 Comment
Nulleté Soél Chapter One Tythe rested a palm on the solid wooden door, and then removed it. His shoulders slumped, and the tall, skinny young man glanced furtively behind him. His coppery hair lay tangled over his probing green eyes, and he seemed torn with indecision. Above him, a sign swung in the unusual northerly wind, the slightly rhythmic creaking sound was making his head ache. The wind had a bite to it like a thousand icy knives, and it whistled in his ears, causing further discomfort...
Version 1
16 Reviews
4 Comments
Prologue The Star-Folk Wintry, diluted sunlight brushed steeply sloping mountains. Tall, twisting pale buildings decorated a valley to form a glowing, almost alien city. Structure upon structure was built with a white stone found deep in the mountainside. The wall encasing the city, hiding it from the outside world stretched to ridiculous heights. The pale stone almost seemed to glow that winter’s day. That high up, air was scarce, and the chill was enough to make any man shiver. Directly in...
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Reviews
Hm. You're a fluent writer, and I like your ideas, but this remind me of something i've already read. However, this may be a complete coincidence cos a lot of a vampire stuff overlaps. You definitely got a good sense of character though, and even though i hadn't read anything you've written before this I get what's going on, which is a good thing. Nice ending as well, for a chapter, very concluding. Keep writing :)
I like it :D. Especially the way you narrated with the mother nature thing, very prologue-ish. A couple of sentences at the beginning sounded a ittle awkward, but apart from that, it's great. "A blanket held down by the weight of the millions of floating stars." Maybe "A blanket held down by the weight of a million floating stars." I dont know it's up to you really, just a personal preference.
I like this, your narrative is quick-moving and keeps the reader interested with the action. :) Your dialogue is excellent, you know exactly who's speaking. However - You might want to go into a bit more detail at certain points for example: "Watesha grabbed Aries’ hand and pulled her over to the fountain. She showed Aries how she could control the water without touching it. A stream of water swirled around Watesha’s hand." So maybe you should change the order of sentences there, or get rid o...
Yay, World of Warcraft Style! =P Apart from the fact this would probably confuse anyone who didn't play WoW no end, it's great :D It's probbly written for WoW players anyway, so no matter... It has a good pace, not too fast, not too slow. The most interesting character is corey, he's most engaging because he has a normal day perspective on it, so his view is easier to understand...Good point of view style thing, it's very vivid. Towards the end it was a -little- less engaging but not by much....
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