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1ben's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
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Version 1
5 Reviews
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Pavement Dancing Sleepy head eyes stutter open and get accustomed to a new day. Only it’s not a new day, is it Dan, it’s 6 p.m of the same day. Everything’s topsy-turvy, snotty morning gunk in my eyes while the sun goes down. It was about 6 a.m when I finally got to sleep, so that’s twelve hours kip, which ain’t bad, despite the undeniably bizarre feeling of waking up just as the day has finished. Better phone Chris before I do anything. Ah, look at that, yawning! But I’m not goin’ back to be...
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good descriptions of nature, rain and thunder. when we get to 'people find my behaviour strange,' the poem takes on another subject, but i dont know what to make of it because there isnt enough information ie. who is this 'he'? a little more clarity would improve i think. it is intriguing because it could almost be the start of a story as well as a poem
I have put corrections in cap's. Hope it helps. “This is the third time this week, Matt said as he smiled and winked, “ I’ll get you there on time.” He pulled away from the curb and proceeded to beat the traffic light at every corner. NEED SPEECH MARKS AFTER 'WEEK' “You’re an angel, Matt. Bye.” Summer said, THIS SHOULD BE BELOW he leaned towards the door and shouted. “I hope it’s not bye forever, call me.” Her Aunt Jessie, used to drive NO NEED FOR COMMA waiting for the elevator she arrived a...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
this is beautifully written, very sad - obviously - and moving. powerful imagery is used throughout. i really dont see anything wrong technically with this poem, and so have nothing really in the way of a critique. and you are under 18! wow! you are obviously very advanced in your poetic skills and it is a credit to you - whether you win the comp. or not! it just reminds me how vital it is that we never forget the holocaust, and can look at the agony and suffering amongst the victims - an inn...
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