this was cool. Normally I get pretty bored and turned off by a lot of blank statements, but I think the quality of the content and flow of the verse made up for it. That's kinda impressive, being able to do that. Good Job. Check the tenth line; did you mean to say "(my) beauty" and not "by". Also, I could be wrong, but the second line of the last stanza may flow a little easier if you add in "understand (that)" or change "can't" to cannot.

Diggit. That was great. Loved the story. Don't be afraid to draw a piece like this out a little bit. I would have liked to seen some more description and imagery to accompany the action. You may want to square up some of the rhythms. The third and fifth lines could be trimmed down to six syllables by leaving "en" off "spoken" and ending the fifth line at "dream". Look at the pattern you are creating, stressing the syllables: duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH. This consistency holds your poem together v...

This was a great piece. One of the few times I've had trouble criticizing someone's work on Urbis. On the second page, I think you meant to say "whittle" not "while". The flow of the language is excellent. You could probably stand to add to some of the detail. Iced coffee seemed to be a pivotal part of the story. I don't even know what it tasted like. Details like the sea gull on the wall only add to your story if you use them to add feeling, create a mood, relate back to characters...etc. Gr...

It's a decent little essay, very concise. In the future, if you choose to write persuasive or informative arguments, avoid using the first person. "there were" in the first sentence is weak writing: "there" implies no meaning or action in your sentence, it's just there. Try "Contained within the poem...Sassoon, were some..." "Contained" serves the same grammatical purposes, while providing a clear meaning. Second sentence is again, weak writing. "I found" is the action of this sentence, but y...

that was a cool little poem. I like the symmetry of it. "Creative torrent" was a great phrase. Nice job.

That was great. I really don't have much criticism to offer. You did a real good job holding the meter together, flows very well, very consistent, but not forced. I had to read it a couple times to really pick up on what's going on, but that's poetry. Great job.

That was pretty good. I really liked the first content of the first stanza. It seems like you could revise the second stanza a bit. You describe your legs as dragging at the beginning and then twice with the coffee. If nothing else, I think you could combine your two descriptions of the coffee into one that leads into the bit about the wedding isle. Other than that great job, flows well, nice imagery.

You tell the story well. There are a few verb tense issues you need to correct. "with all my best friend Trish" perhaps "all" was not intended to be in the final draft. "My mom moving to a gated community is her...fantasy" is a little unclear, perhaps something like "moving to a gated community is (my moms)...fantasy. "As she mentioned," kinda sounds like the mom's telling the story before it happens. Could just be me, it's not a big deal. "The movers...outside." did not make any sense. Does ...

Good job. The image is not real strong, but as I put it together with the content, I think of a memorial cemetery. Definitely prefer the first version. Would not change a thing.

Cool. Very depressing. Excellent description. Actually flowed pretty nicely. Great word choice. Great job.