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57htz's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 24
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 24
Anti-hero of his own epic life story and the coolest person he knows, 57htz is something of an expert on everything (except love and money) and is a master at eluding the authorities. The mountain may get him, but the law never will.
Items
Version 1
19 Reviews
3 Comments
“We pulled him from the pod three days ago sir. We don’t know who or what he is or why he’s here. He’s not in any database we have access to and our people on the ground say no one is planning anything for months.” “So who the hell is he? Have you been able to hack his cranial implants?” “We tried that after the counter-intelligence people couldn’t turn up anything. He’s some sort of sophisticated anti-hack ECM system integrated into his implants we can’t crack. Everything we try returns stat...
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A pretty hilarious piece here. Perhaps a little too much dialogue for a piece of run-n-gun pulp, but something that can be ironed out by either cutting some or by adding more descriptions. Also, it feels like some of the dialogue is a little stiff, which hurts the piece overall. Still, a very funny take on a classic genre.
I felt you accomplished your goal of making a description-driven work. You have a very strong beginning here and I feel it would do well if it were completed. The only thing that hurts this piece is the ending which suddenly cuts off. Also, the beginning could use a little more polish for a better flow. Good work.
There's a lot of promise in this piece. It need some serious polish as far as structure and editing goes. I would recommend expanding the opening section and making it clearer by cutting it into more sentences and adding more information.
This piece is very choppy and needs heavy revision. It is very hard to follow what exactly is going on here as well. The final section jumps around between present and past tense. The opening section is a little redundant and has serious flow issues.
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