AVRP's profile

Very nice. Short, but all haikus are. I can find nothing wrong with it except... the double E line looks a little funny... that and Ephemeral is a tough word (I had to look it up). Has much hope and promise though.

Very interesting. I am thinking pregnant bellied needs a - between it, but I'm not too sure. Maybe look into it to see if it should? Also, I am skeptical that TWO women would leave him due to a lazy eye. Obviously those women did not actually love him... wanted him for his money perhaps? That makes sense if I think of it that way. Its still farfetched though as if they wanted the money badly enough to marry some one they didnt know, they'd not care about a lazy eye. The end was... VERY much a...

I do not read much flash fiction, tbh. Its not in my taste. But this is well written and I found little wrong with it. The ending chilled me a little bit... if that is what you are going for then it worked VERY well. I felt very bad for Jacob. Felt sorry for him. The story moved me. Critique wise, I think the fifth paragraph could use a description of HOW the members were moving towards him - IE, omniously, carefully, etc? Also, the number of F-bombs seens really high (But it may be just me)....

Teeny missing punctuation: fifth paragraph, last line: should have a period on the end! The amount of cursing, while understandable and 'in character' I think would be much better if some was merely mentioned in narration 'The man cursed fluently and frequently, before exclaiming "Where's my money?!" However, considering the theme so far I dont see it as a BIG problem. I reccomend giving us more information at the beginning of who the Crimson Knights are. Actual knights/warriors? A gang? A pe...