AbraxsisStJerome's profile

AbraxsisStJerome avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Newark, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 10

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Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
Leaving America is how I become her champion. A generation before this my mother spoke no English. I trade leather corded into whip for scabbed knuckles like the lowing of cattle and the chuckle of my master who won another bet. I slip the jab then he writes the slip saying I am free. Freedom is a new country where drums can sound of wars past and future. Freedom is red blood between my teeth and fighting for food with the Irishmen on the waterfront in a yard ring of chalk. Freedom is hiring...
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Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
A Laying on of Hands Blindness lays hold of my eyes like desert grit. Everywhere it converts sure steps into flinches of knees and elbows anticipating the fall. A vision prostrates me before my camel’s hoof. Blindness steals my reflection. Now, my hands search for a guide they find, my left cheek, my rod, my servant’s knuckle leading me toward Damascus.
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Poetry / My Lover, Night
I like the poem and I think it is crying out for a form to match the subject matter because your line are unwieldy. Moveover, one line in particular pulled me out of "How can one touch the lips of nothingness—a dark abyss?" this line either needs to be cut or clarified because it doesn't do any work in your piece Have a great night. -Abraxsis
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Quotes / mad art
It is cute. I love the quote.
Poetry / Inside the Me
In the first half of the piece and you create a driving rhtyhm. Your rythm is more based on words per line the end rhyme. I would suggest you rework around the first five or six lines and you lose alot of power when you go to long or to short stay to five or six word lines because the provide you the most punch. -Abraxsis
Short Story / black, but comely
I liked the piece but it seems to fall somewhere between flash fiction and prose poetry. The reason I say this is because the scene is well defined, but it doesn't have a story arc to it. The detail about the preacher and the only woman no using a fan. It seem you want to sketch out a relationship between them but then you don't have the time to finish it. As a piece of prose poetry I would focus of developing the image of the preacher focusing on the woman mid-sermon, what glance and silent ...
Poetry / Happy Days
Consider putting the couplets together instead of having thrm float. Also, most of what you are writing is in the imperative vioce except the last line, consider trying to make it consistant. -Your Abraxsis
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