Adair's profile

Adair avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Beverly Hills, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 30

This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Short Story / Autumn
Version 1
11 Reviews   3 Comments
My mother used to tell me as a child, “You must make decisions and act on them. Don’t wait for the time to be right, because you could end up waiting your whole life.” I wish she had taken her own advice before it was too late. It was a clear cool fall morning and the wind was whistling through the maple trees behind my shabby apartment building. Standing on the frail wooden balcony, I took in the fresh air and closed my eyes. Autumn has always reminded me of my mother’s rhubarb, crisp claret...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Clare
Version 3
11 Reviews   3 Comments
There was a time when I was happy. It’s the simple things I remember like Georgia peaches, Thanksgiving dinners, and crisp morning air in the Rockies. Happiness to me are things… different things compiled throughout my lifetime. They are a book that is the tale of my life. The final chapter of that book is entitled “Clare”. It was a Tuesday night when Death hung up her coat at Clare’s house. We were supposed to go to a ceramics workshop and then have a late dinner at the pizzeria across from ...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Flash Fiction / Empty
Locked
Flash Fiction / Tony
Wow, just a disturbing piece. Disturbingly bad, that is. The writing was atrocious, the dialogue was unbelievable, and the plot made no sense. Who are LT, AK, and Poppers? What does starboard mean? The author assumes that his/her readers is up to date on nautical slang which is a huge no no in writing. What exactly happens in this story? I gather that somebody is hurt but how and why? Maybe you should spend some time giving background to this story instead of just throwing the reader into the...
Romance / College
In the first paragraph there is no need for the comma after "because". I think the word "day" should be "dad". You need a comma after "goodbye" because of the phrase "mom and dad" you can't get away with skipping a comma here. You use the word "headed" twice in a row also, this is repetitive, you may look for a different verb to use here. Repetition again with the "I-95". Use highway or expressway at the beginning of the second paragraph. Use "too" not "to". No comma after "traffic". You need...
I actually really like the lyrics to this song and I can see the chorus being very catchy when accompanied by a nice acoustic pop beat. There are a couple lines that feel forced and out of place - "Each kiss is as inviting as the first" and "Like a droplet of dew, gently hanging." These two lines just don't seem to flow like the rest of the song. They are beautiful lines no doubt but just don't seem to fit the song. If you worked on this, you'd have a great little song on your hand.
Short Story / Freddie Fink
The story was very well written. It was descriptive and the use of names and visual aids made the story a nice read with depth. I didn't like the phrase "All two of the Fink's stuck together." It's cliched and not only that it doesn't fit into the ending. I find it hard to believe that the protagonist was able to hit Freddie in the face and then get a pass with an apology. After all, you say Freddie's sis was just as mean as him and she came weilding a knife. Other than that, good story... ju...
Favorites

Adair has no favorites yet.

People