Adeaz's profile
AGE:
14
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
Writing started, eh. Third grade. Real writing anyway. I had a notebook, and in it I wrote the adventures of a cat and her kittens, a villain, a hero, a revenge… It was utterly and completely horrible.
Fourth grade I wrote only poetry, mainly because that was the only creative writing my teacher taught. My teacher adored my poetry, and in my opinion, some of it was okay, but I never really liked any of it a lot, or felt really proud of it.
Fifth grade I started writing on my own, typing up stories on the computer. Nightmare worlds, Horrible Monarchies, millions of ideas, all beginnings of stories, never endings.
I wrote one or two short stories in between, and before I started Seven Fatal Wishes, I began to write a story in t…
(more)
Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Seven Fatal Wishes Pt. 4 This needs to be said; Baltimore is not a good man. In fact, by some, he could be considered a very bad man. By his sister Rose, whom he murdered, he is a bad man. He is a liar, and he is a cheat. He did not fairly win his fame, nor did he fairly get ten of his books on the bestseller list. There is a path of bloodied money sprinkled along his history, filled with bribes and deception. He sleeps with money in his mattress, hidden away. He is enveloped in greed, and is...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
Seven Fatal Wishes "The third wish, yes, the third wish. Was it not the third wish that began it all?" "Baltimore, this was not to be todays discussion." "Shall we all just argue over which began it?" "This is foolish! If you have nothing better to do than bicker..." "It was the fourth wish I say! The fourth!" "Logan, the fourth is arguably the end of it all, not the beginning. The sixth is the beginning." "It was the last wish." The conversation ended, and all was silent. The seven sat aroun...
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Davidson had been sitting in his office for over an hour leafing through documents and books. He'd always hoped to find some clue beyond the simple seven words that described the wishes. True, he knew all about the third wish, he commanded it. The third wish was for knowledge and time, Davidson represented both of those things. He looked down at his watch, which was normal now. Whenever he went to a meeting with the other six, the watch acted up. Its hands would spin around quickly, and it wo...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Stephen's mind was like a keyhole. Upon looking through it, you could only see half of the conversation, and when you can't see it all, you're never hearing it all either. You can' t even begin to comprehend what they really mean, what they are really talking about. Stephen's mind thought several things, whether it was the constant notice of detail, his life, or the lives that lay in shambles around him, no one ever knew. They only got half the story. So now as he sat on the bar stool that h...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Pretty good. I think you should focus a little less on rhyming and more on rhythm, though. Though it is just a personal opinion, I have always thought that the rhythm of the poem and the way that it flows is more important than the rhyming. I like how you didn't give a perfectly clear vision of what's going on, and left that sort of up to the reader. I especially like the line, "sanity drips into bottomless buckets", because for me bottomless is the opposite of sanity. Sanity to me is kept in...
Maybe I'm just morbid, but I was expecting the prisoner to be hung. I imagined everything very clearly, as your descriptions were very well written. I could see him being dragged along the cobblestones, and I could see the cruel smile of the guard. To me, everything pointed to the main character's demise. I think that this would make a good beginning to a story. Maybe as he entered the room, he would not find death awaiting him, but an offer. Maybe a deal, maybe a challenge. I sort of got a m...
First thing I noticed in the beginning was that you used chaotic two times very close to each other. Maybe change your wording a bit around there, it is a little awkward. My suggestions are "Hazardous", or "Unorganized" in place of either the second or first chaotic, though probably the first. There was also a sentence about halfway through that could have used some editing grammar wise. "A favorite haunt in Dubai was the Pancho Villas a place that served up some convincing Mexican food." was...
This is a children's book, which I have been reminding myself constantly as I have read this. That does not mean that grammar should be forgotten. There are barely any commas in this whole story, and there are several places where they would make the flow less choppy. I also suggest not using exclamation points unless in dialog. Speaking of dialog, your dialog at the beginning was confusing and hard to follow. I feel like parts of this story were lacking detail. It is a cute idea for a childr...
Not sure what to say to this. I agree, the school writing programs suck. It's sad really, because half the time when they try to teach you to write creatively, it's with the cliche haunted house prompt with many limits and rules, or the annoying "great story starters" and "similies!". But some parts of this I wasn't so sure about. It's certainly a loud voice and a broad topic you chose here. I found it not so much helpful, though, as I found it opinionated. Fact and opinion are two very diffe...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
