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AdmiralPar's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Arabi, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 29
LOC: Arabi, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 29
AdmiralPar just wants love.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
There are two kinds of girls who attend Tulane University. No more, no less. Extremes, of course. Variations, no doubt. But there are only two. There is the girl who grew in luxury, being taught since old enough to hold a prada bag that the entire world owed her and no one was more important. She comes to Tulane with her entire education paid for, no consequence if she neglects her studies. She’ll go to class, and she’ll pass a few tests. But her only reason for existing is Wednesday through ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
It’s sliding. No, not the right word – barreling, Barreling down Broadway under the harsh moonlight, Speeding towards change with intensity That transforms imagination into dread. You don’t want to be alone here at night. Not with the jarring alarms and the heat And the buzz of the unknown, of formless nouns Wanting blood and change to take the bus, Of hopelessness. And yet there are soothing voices, Smooth talkers – we’re coming back, we’re better than ever The Beast barreling down Broadway ...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Let me tell you what I believe. I don’t believe in most things. You can call it pessimism, but I think of it as keeping a healthy glass of reality by my bedside table at night. I don’t believe in miracles, I don’t believe in ghosts. I don’t believe in friends always being there for you if it conflicts with their own agenda. I don’t believe in deus ex machina; you get wherever you end up by your own wits and no one else’s. The idea of a higher power has occurred to me many times, but it always...
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Reviews
I love the image of high clouds rubbing hands, and that second line is your best. Then you connect to both lines through the last; very good format. I love being able to end a poem that makes you force your meaning in such a understandable way. Very good imagery, very good work.
You craft a readable story. I know you said not to say anything about it, and you can berate me all you want for it, but that notwithstanding, there are grammar issues, and usually I don't like to pinpoint problems in grammar or sentence structure but when they are peppered throughout the story, like in this one, I feel that there should be some comments to let you know exactly what things you can tighten to make the story flow better. You wanted to know how to fix it up, and with an intrigui...
It was technically written well, had a slow start but the ending got me for sure. Great ending, and that's exactly what you're supposed to do with flash fiction.
This has a certain lyrical quality to it, but I'll be honest -- I hate the break-up of the words. It kills any rhythm you'd hope to have. I like the idea, and I like the repeated phrase "Did you ask for this? Did you pray for a diamond on one knee?/ Was that all he had to do? Boy, are you understanding!" It's an interesting phrase. However, the idea and all the promise gets undermined by the words being broken up. Just my opinion, but it prevented me from really feeling the emotion from the p...
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