The lack of proper punctuation (There are no periods anywhere in this poem) and fragmented sentences don't make this poem an easy read, though it does start with a promising metaphor. Sadly, it delves "into the abyss" with cliche prhasings, such as the aforementioned quote, and doesn't "show" as much as it does "tell".

This poem does nothing to stand out from the countless number of poems about angsty suicidal moments we've been deluged with recently. The blade is introduced, there's hesitation, and then there's blood. Step one, two, three - and repeat ad infinitum. There's no indication of what led to this moment, and the moment alone can't stand onit's own enough to be engaging, since the scene has been set a billion times in the same way. There are tons of commas where other punctuation, like periods, sh...

You never told me you wrote this - I'm getting warm and fuzzy from the fact that you'd take one of my favorite this I've written and write a response. I feel like there's an F.P.A./Dorothy Parker thing happening here. My only nits are the semicolon at the end of your first line, which I think would be better as a comma, and the lack of a comma after "Still". I can tolerate the truncated foot in S2L2.

Wow - yet another one I haven't read yet. The final line is killer, and you should be proud. I'm not too keen on the near-rhymes though, mostly because I know you're capable of turning out perfection when you dig enough. The meter is pretty uncharacteristically stilted, as well.

I find this to be false - there are thousands upon thousands of poems that have stood the test of time and are still read today as guides for poets who wish to know what makes up a good poem, or even a great poem. As for your quote itself - shouldn't it end with a question mark, as it is a question?

Crass, yes, but finally, I get to review someone I don't know who has style! Your meter is, for the most part, flawlwss. I have some punctuation quibbles (like the semicolon after "perks", which I think should be a comma), but you create the characters in a way that makes them easy to envision. Light verse ins't easy, and I think you have a winner here.

Though this is in stanzas, it reads too much like prose, and relies too much on standard imagery, phrases and descriptions (crimson satin sheets, coal black room). There's quite a bit of adjective overkill (the aforementioned sheets are "crimson satin"; there are "heavy blue" Loy's back is "lovely slender"). A good key to having a memorable poem is combining elevated language with adherence to the rule "show, don't tell". Victorian names don't add to the drama, and the surprise at the end mak...

I'm sorry I can't be more positive about this, but there is nothing here that brings a freshness to an ages old scenario. There is no elevated language, which is required to separate poetry from prose. There should be a comma after the clause "she steps in". The images created all rely on cliched phrases - we've read about hands being pushed away, water tracing shoulders, etc. - so inject new life into this if you plan for it to stand out in a publication. Your rhythm is capable, so I'm sure ...

The archaic language in this distances the reader from the immediacy of the moment. I'm guessing you're reading plenty of the classics and such in school right now, but I want to hear more of your own voice in this, since the moment belongs to you and not some long dead poet. I'm not understanding your reason for intenting a line in your last stanza - perhaps this is just a site error? This reviewer is a stickler for proper caps, if their absence doesn't help anything much.

There are too many overused lines (I long for you, etc.) for this to be original, a lot of missing punctuation, and incorrect word usage ("You're" is the first word you want) that cloud up my reading of this. I sugesst starting over, and really developing the ideas you have.