As a poem it is relativley good if a little disjointed. To be honest though i read it as if were lyrics and it sounded like a pretty good song. With a chourus that sums up the genearl feeling of the piece you have the makings of a good song. If this is your stlye may i suggest that you also try placing this in the lyrics section to see what reaction it will get. Overall it has a good flow and a lot of personale touches that bring great heart to the piece. Keep it up!

I can see you have put a lot of work into this, as it is very well ironed out. THe only thing I can say is that if you were to expand this into a larger story you have created a lot of room for fleshing it out. Know some may disagrre but i think you could spend more time and space focusing on details such as the surroundings, emotions and thoughts of those in your world. The only other detail I think is worth mentioning is that to me the ending seems a bit abrubt. If that is how you wish to e...

Short but sweet. This is a good piece of reflective poetry. The only criticisms I have is in choices of words such as 'throbbing' how does this relate to bleeding maybe gushing or pouring would work better. 'As always 'till I snap and I am consumed' Is this not a bit too long maybe 'As always 'till I snap and consumed' the I am may not be relevant Overall though a nice bit of poetry Keep it up!

An intresting start, I mean there are many ways to start a story some start by intoducing characters, settings etc others like you introduce only a litte. shed the bare minimum of light on the future of the piece. The 'flashbacks' were a good idea but your language is sometimes clunky, if unsure read it aloud and if it seems ok get someone else to do the same and you will soon find that clarity should not become much of a problem. Maybe describe a bit of your characters physical detail, even ...

Having reviewed this piece before. I think most of my words will be repeated. Your style and interpretation are good. Yet sometimes shorterning certain phrases can bring greater clarity and/or open up more possible interpretations. ie. "Standing ten feet in distance from me" as a sentence is incorrect and slightly confusing while say " standing but ten feet yet distant from me" although still an 'incorrect sentence' opens up and clarifys the meaning of the statment. In poetry grammer can be i...

Nice, you utilise the broken stanzas well and i actually think it was a good choice to display the poem in this fashion. Apart from the first of your double question marks. (From so deep? is the ? necessary)I can see partly why but it breaks up the piece in the wrong place for me personally. You have certinaly achieved your last goal for me. A brilliant approach to highlighting the black sheep among the flock of normality. Keep it up!

Quite good ,you utilise your words well to highlight your main theme while remaining distant yourself from the 'sources'. The only advice i can think to give you is that if you are looking for a specific reaction to your work try to cut down on double meanings and be careful of your grammer. Otherwise well rounded. Keep it Up!

Overall a good short story. Your choice of a young character was interesting but i feel trades innocence for understanding. If the character were say between 10-16 instead of 4-7 what would have been the difference? When writing from the point of view of someone not in your age group how does that affect yours. Also you sometimes use short sentences where you could combine them with more effective language such as: He saw mother standing in the doorway. She had tears in her eyes. She stood th...

Quite a powerful piece. Personally I think your style is quite good. Your imagery is quite evocative yet at times confusing, although the principle behind things is fine you tend to use imagery that seems to try to hard at times. The best images are simple and elegant at first and only after close scruitiny reveal their double meanings. I wiould agree that cutting it down will onl improve on what is potentially a very powerful message. Keep it up!

I apologise if i have already reviewed this but, all the same The emotions in this piece are very powerful and evocative, and as a matter of fact i found it quite easy to read. our work is very unusual in that it seems to indicate a cry for help yet at the same time a fear of the hand that would be offered to raise you from your torment. As to your agent objective i believe for this kind of work a broad spectrum of material is appropriate, so as to showcase in the most complete sense your tal...