Little 15 year old, you say this is fluff? I say this is beautiful for someone your age...it's very visual...vivid...What a piece...I like how you piece it: The moment when clouds parted in way of the awe-worthy sun, Very nice...Well, I've noticed that sometimes the best writing we create comes from not trying...ever think about that? Keep up your writing...it will only get better...Good luck to you...:-) Rosie P.S. You chose the right title for this lovely piece...

This is free verse...very nice...honest...it's what's in your head...The only thing I notice is that hopeful is spelt with two ls...that's it...it's yours do what you want with it...don't let anyone tell you...we write what we know...It can only get better...Good luck to you...:-) Oh, and the title is suiting...don't apologize for it...it makes poetic sense between your two "loves". Sometimes offsets can be blessings in disguise...:-) Rosie

Hmmm...This is dark...but that is okay...Life is all kinds of things...It is visual...it seems pretty clear about what you mean, in terms of what you have in parentheses...Perhaps you should put a period at the end...there are periods everywhere else...This is an interesting perspective from the "grave"...I think I may have already read this...I'm not sure...Good luck to you...If this is about yourself...I hope you feel better...Keep writing...Good luck again...:-) Rosie

Hmmm...well, this is interesting...Correct me if I'm wrong...now, when I read the title...I figured it was an abbreviation for two words used to insult, or lash out...Am I right? Then I read the four lines...and I'm trying to make sense of this...and I guess, in my own way...whether it be your interpretion or not...I've figured it to be about people in society...I get a visual of "undead" people climbing over a fence...lol...anyhow...I think you were using metaphors? I like it, whether it be ...

No longer bowing to the wind’s invisible majesty This is lovely...I like this line...it is visual in metaphor, yet we can still understand what it means, (which is how poetry should be) especially with the use of the word majesty at the end...which signifies, power, or "rule"...This is what poetry is supposed to do...it looks simple, yet effortlessly shows complexity...It's a short piece...and it doesn't need to to be longer...You say a lot in only nine lines...Which is another thing about po...

It's funny, now that I'm reviewing your piece and I see that it says 'best lyrics on Urbis'...I had no idea that they were lyrics until I got to your review page...but as I started to read your piece before I came to the review page, I thought it sounded like a song! So I guess that's a good thing for you...the way it started, with repetition...like a song...there, there's a light...This is a nice piece...I can see where you are going with this...and you say it's a rough draft...it makes sens...

What a bitch! She's a tease...I completely got thrown at the end, when she started to "play nice"...What the hell is her problem?? And? And? She's stifling the man...okay...I thought it was beautiful though...the imagery and play on words...but it threw me off abruptly at the end...She seems a bit two faced to me...okay...is there going to be more to this? Was there anything else before this story? Because I'd like to know more...lol... “GLORIOUS FOOL”she whipped”AND SO MIGHT I BE,BUT ONLY SO...

Nice piece...I must say, it's almost like a slap in the face of modern technology...definitley original in the use of the technical terminology to create poetic romanticism...I like it a lot...it's kind of touching toward the end...it's short and tells a lot in its minimal length...it's really good...you should keep up what you're doing - remember, originality, uniqueness - these spawn true artistry...and true art inspires a generation...Great work...Good luck to you. :-)

Good use of poetic vocabulary...Italian sonnet poetry is harder to make rhyme in English. I must admit, though...I don't fully know for certain what this is about...it's obviously written from an older generation's point of view...it sounds like the woman is in love with someone, but may not easily receive their love? Does she kill him? I'm sure I've gone too far...your use of phrasing is good, but my suggestion is, and you don't have to be literal, you can still be poetic, but maybe broaden ...

This is a very vivid, visual poem. I can see the wind blowing the grass...also your use of vocabulary, such as, passerine thrush...it's lush...It really makes the reader concentrate. Good luck with it.