You have an amazing authentic culinary vocabulary. I have found that one of the hardest things to apply in my own writing is the use of technical vocabulary. The way you portray Jake as a gourmet cook was great because the language you used describing his dishes came across with a great deal of authenticity. Some of your phrasing seemed a bit ostentatious. For example, why say "beginning machinations for a labor day fishing trip", when you could just as easily say "made plans to go on a labor...

Wow, I am very intrigued by the depth of your knowledge which I gleaned simply from reading the small details of this chapter. For example, the bumps on the frogs back denoting it being a poisonous creature, your brief etymological rant about naming plants made me smile, and I was intrigued by your description of the ancient ruin. Obviously, I have not read any previous installments, even with the receding note to reviewers, I was still a bit confused by the whole SLIP bit, and also had a pro...

Wow, that ending kind of came out of nowhere, I have to give you credit for turning a slightly cliched out-of-the-closet summer love story into a veritable Greek tragedy in three short paragraphs! Seriously though, I liked Damien. He is really naive and impulsive which makes him rather endearing. Luke was a pretty cool character too. He reminded me (and many readers I'm sure) of our tender, intelligent, and free spirited gay friend. Your dialogue is a strong point of your writing at some poin...

I feel like you wandered around too much within paragraphs. Take, for instance, the paragraph that begins "If there is one group society comes down hard upon...". I didn't really see the tie-in of liking or disliking self-pitying shmucks. Because you are not one, why should I care if society comes down on them? What even substantiates that accusation? Why contrast yourself to them? Then I do not understand the leap from that comparison to having split personalities. So I had trouble following...