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Alexavier's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Blue Island, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 29
LOC: Blue Island, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 29
Bad, Mad and Dangerous to know.
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Version 1
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The weight of the splintering perpendicular wood Shatters the disks, rips the chord, and pulls the stem. The matter unclogs and spills the juices on the floor. I fall forward and the skull shatters like crystal. Dive deep in the pool I've created. Look what my weakness made. It's cliché, trite, empty, a void. I've made a hole. Where are the colors unseen? Where's my power? Everywhere like a fog to be boiled by someone else's laser. Only for a while lie to me. Get lost in my fog. Be confused m...
Version 2
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"Jeez" Jack said relieved, haphazardly throwing his keys at the small antique table next to him. They jingled as they landed with a thud on the brown shag carpet next to Aluicious, the tuxedo cat. Aluicious let out a startled cowl of disapproval, and with an air of cold, feline snobbery, drifted from the room. Jack was quite the collector of old stuff. He liked that it reminded him of somewhere else like puzzle pieces to a time machine. His house had plain white walls except for on 24 by 36 ...
Version 1
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Jack "Jeez" Jack said relieved, haphazardly throwing his keys at the small antique table next to him. They jingled as they landed with a thud on the brown shag carpet next to Aluicious, the tuxedo cat. Aluicious let out a startled cowl of disapproval, and with an air of cold, feline snobbery, drifted from the room. Jack was quite the collector of old stuff. He liked that it reminded him of somewhere else like puzzle pieces to a time machine. His house had plain white walls except for on 24 b...
Version 2
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So I reach inside my core and pull out my heart. Its soft pulse, I feel, is comforting… I guess I've known it longer. Its charming I think… You don't think so. To you it is obnoxious and weak. I ignore this unkind observation and force it on you and before you walk away I shout "look!" and you haphazardly do. It starts to sprout. The pale root mending with the vibrant but slowly fading red, to you, seems grotesque, but to me it is so profound I can't overcome their entanglement, and slowly th...
Version 1
8 Reviews
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So I reach my hand inside my core and pull it out. Its soft pulse, I feel, is comforting… I guess I’ve known it longer. Its charming I think… You don’t think so. To you it is obnoxious and weak. I ignore this unkind observation and force it on you and before you walk away I shout “look!” and you haphazardly do. It starts to spout. The pale root clashing with the vibrant but slowly fading red, to you, seems grotesque, but to me it is so profound I can’t overcome their entanglement, and slowly ...
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Reviews
This poem seems to have a lot of warm sentiment but Im not sure to what end. Maybe if its just to paint a picture It should have more imagery.
Pretty cool poem I may have understood this wrong but I especially liked that you spelled out celbrate as if it was to hard to say, or like parents when trying to discuss a topic a child isnt supposed to understand. I like the tone its very nonchalant and bitter ( a strange and contradictory tonal choice but it works) then the last two lines really bring it to your attention someone died a very profound experience and it really give some depth to the poem.
This is probably the most dense poem i have ever read and its more than a little intimidating. I had to read this a few times for meaning. and to be honest I still don't understand it all. Im not sure if thats a good thing or not. It really depends on why you wrote it I suppose. I can respect the complex and elevated verbage.
Well YOu obviously have talent but This poem seems a little more than a little undeveloped. the rhyme scheme to me seems underdeveloped. the poem is basically a series of rhyming couplets with no meter. Its kind of childish especially considering a you used a lot of lazy slant rhyme. You did hit it on the head in your notes about the vagueness. and the subject matter is more than a little trite. but I gotta say I do see that you are talented, you jus need more experience.
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