Amathine's profile
AGE:
21
LAST LOGIN: July 24
LAST LOGIN: July 24
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Items
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
Sweet lies in your head Warm body in bed Fingers laced together “Never to sever‿ Sings that sweet voice But this is your choice I’ll wait till the end For it will come And your fingers will bend For she’ll be twisting them I’ll be here I’ll be waiting To catch your tears While you’re hating Her
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I don’t know what you see when you look at me My reflections all imperfections Odds and angles Lies and tangles But the light in your eyes Hides the despise Sees beauty unreal A glamorous pseudo feel I’m not the pretty one Nor smart Or loving Sweet, kind, daring Not the one who steps from your dreams With shining eyes gleam With truth and caring Adore and sharing You have no logic To place such trust within me Can’t you see I just deceive? A slut with morals That’s all I’ll ever be So stop pr...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I do love you But not the way You want me to My love is pure My love is true But it’s not the way You want me to I'll hold you dear And I’ll hold you tight But not while you sleep Is that alright? We’re never to sever Never to part But it’s not the way You wanted this part I’m not the girl Of your dreams It’s not the way You think it seems I’ll be here forever On your side In your corner This I’ll abide I’ll be your friend And you be mine This heart of yours Won’t be broken this time But it’s...
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Reviews
I really like how your sentences are choppy with the commas, it helps to build the suspense that s/he's almost making themselves frantic, nervous. It sounds like an excerpt from a personal account from battle. You really paint the picture here with the blood on the grass and sitting in a trench. The only thing that caught me off guard was it being under horror. It does show the horror of what humans could actually enjoy, but it doesn't fit the genre well.
I really like the play on the word "pretty", but I don't understand the "candy coated grave stone" Or why she would die before him. I get the feeling that both people have a bout of depression.
I really liked the first stanza "the muse we call despair" You're always such a happy guy it's hard to see you using such an emotion for a piece. It (no offense) gets angsty when you say "shit-bound" as if it takes away the sincerity of the feeling.
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