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AGE: 62
LAST LOGIN: January 25

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Poetry / Beginning Again
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Off to work, my day begins What awaits, before it ends? Will I smile when idiots speak? In endless meetings, will the chairs all squeak? Will I resist the snack machine? Will I keep my language clean When the jackass in the cubby next door Turns his radio to that Limbaugh bore? Will my space be too hot, or maybe too cold? Will lack of any control cause my head to explode? Will my computer slow down when speed is required Will anyone care that I’m so very tired? Will my car not start at the en...
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Poetry / If I Lived Alone
Version 1
10 Reviews   6 Comments
If I lived alone I could sleep on either side of the bed. I could have meals at odd hours, Or not at all. I could work as late as I want, Or go to the market at 11pm. I could leave the bed unmade, Or let the cat in the bedroom. If I lived alone Who would start dinner when I work late, Or work with me until the house is clean? Who would drive when I’m sleepy, Or wax my car and point out my tire is low? Who would be there when I was afraid, Or make me laugh, Or leave me alone when I need alone...
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Short Story / Last March Entry
Version 1
15 Reviews   8 Comments
March 29 Dear Diary: The day before yesterday I think my entry was about the crack in the new countertop and how annoyed I am about it. And I think I mentioned that I lost 2 pounds. Did I say that Mom called to tell me she and Dad are coming for a week in June? Did I forget to tell you that the cat threw up in Mike’s shoe again? I rinsed it out and put it back in the closet in the hope that she’ll use it again next time she’s mad at me. It’s those stupid wingtip shoes that Mike's clueless a-h...
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Poetry / Pull the Plug
Version 1
9 Reviews   4 Comments
Words back up like a gutter overflowing where a bird's nest plugs the downspout, or the way a fender-bender sends long lines rippling up the highway. Like a flood on the Mississippi backs up every little creek and stream that feeds into it I’m backed up with words. I am desperate to get them on the paper. And yet they will not come. I can feel them filling up the empty places Packed in around my heart, under my diaphram, filling my stomach between meals, settling around my spine, in the li...
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Version 1
10 Reviews   7 Comments
Fatigue overlays my soul. It is peanut butter on bread Sealing every pore so the weariness cannot escape. In a trance, I sit staring into space, And I lack the energy even to smile That the shadow on the wall looks like Jesus. In a moment I’ll dig deeper And find energy reserves yet untapped. “Push!” a long-forgotten voice insists. Yes, now I remember being this tired before. But, of course, this isn’t labor. There is no baby now. I’m just tired from chasing this day. And the one before i...
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Reviews
Short Story / The Eve
Very cool! I don't need to know what the battle is about, what country it's in, or even the time. You have skillfully dropped us onto the field and quickly made us care about this prince/ general and his coming battle. We don't know the boy's name, but we admire his courage and smile at his bravado. Your use of grammar and punctuation are generally good, although you tend to allow run-on sentences. However, your one fairly consistent error is that you don't use the comma to set off a direct a...
Short Story / I'm Sorry to Myself
I'm very sorry for your loss. When I was 19, my first love died in Vietnam. He was a medic and died trying to save lives. I adored him. That was almost 40 years ago. I still get that burning sensation behind my eyes and that tightening in my chest sometimes, when I think of him. I tell you that so you believe me when I say that I understand what you are feeling. I agree with Dencruiser that this is a journal entry more than a short story... so far. I don't, however, agree that readers are al...
Hmmm. This is sad. And, while the author states a loss of hope, he/she seems to contradict that at the end with the mention of the birth of another star. I like this... and I'm not sure I can explain why. Perhaps because it makes me feel something I don't particularly want to feel, which makes it pretty powerful poetry. Makes me want to look the writer square in the eye and tell him or her that it is never "pointless to hope" when there IS a tomorrow available. Or does the author already kno...
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Very clever. Made me smile. However, your tenses don't match: past in the first and second lines, present in the third. How about, "You showed that jam jar". "Showed" isn't considered two syllables for haiku, is it? Nice job.
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I like this. You've laid the groundwork for a really good story. You tell a real tale with wry humor and poignancy. I think it's not finished, though. You started out wonderfully, fleshing out the little girls and painting their world with great effect. But I think you hurried to the end. Suddenly she was standing in front of the mirror inexplicably wondering if she would recognize her friend. The reader is confused as it becomes apparent you are somehow going to see her. How? Why? What is go...