AnnelyseRobin's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Orinda, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 31
LOC: Orinda, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 31
just your average neurotic impulsive strung-out teenager who can’t put together a list of adjectives to save her life—but she’ll damn well try to.
i’d love to talk to you,
friendly neighborhood dope dealer,
cookie baker, heartbreaker,
etcetera. send a message.
get stupid / dumb / hyphy / reading.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
12 Comments
here are contorted angles of hands that once hammered silver now soldered together in prayer her knotted grey hair a birds' nest of ash and distraction her son’s fingers tangled in unwashed wool chest reluctant to drink the soot and smog of Bangkok haze mother and child, stones eroded by sidewalk traffic worn smooth by the harsh transparency of averted eyes here is the collapsible universe of her empty pockets throat coated with honey to soothe the wounds of the city's reply—silence here are ...
Version 2
8 Reviews
3 Comments
She stands before the mirror again, her threaded seashell spine twisted in dispassionate disgust as she travels the familiar valleys, the topography of self-hatred, her arms outstretched like a patient crucified on a hospital bed. She wants to escape the ribcage that encircles her heart like a chastity belt to hunger-- she wants to flutter like the feathers she finds on the beach and only the mirror can teach her how to fly. Want nothing, it says, until the wind rushes through the gaps betwe...
Version 1
7 Reviews
6 Comments
Over her breast, her hands clasp fragments of darkness, rips in spacesuits, involuntary sighs through purple lips. It is the white noise of waves over sand, the rustle of bed-sheets in dim condominiums in the twilight. The feet are the last to vanish, curled toes buried in the womb's shores. Something stirs within her: The first breath like florescent flickering. She awakens, suddenly electrified, shuddering, grasping seashells like pacifiers, numb fingertips searching out the sun in frozen o...
Version 1
6 Reviews
4 Comments
The summer of love has frozen over, and I think it's about time my generation faced the fact that the 60's are dead! Now, I can appreciate the nostalgia of our parents and their parents rehashing their hashing, et cetera, and I hate to be the bearer of blatant truths, but our generation has no excuse for trying to relive the past for sons of sons desperately reaching through the looking glass; to remake the present into "It's a Small World After All" ghost-town merry-go-rounds and anarcho-pun...
Version 1
9 Reviews
8 Comments
the ship's sailed and you're a stowaway anxious to find another phase another casualty of causality another annotated history. the clocks are rotting the hull is thin, and you can hear every whisper of water in the creaking cabin. you're fogging the porthole with your breath, chasing death in the space between the bullet and your brain, but you're waiting for an echo or an answer cerebrum spattered on the deck like a modernist painting to cure our collective cancers of habit. well, if fate's ...
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Reviews
-Was this supposed to "amuse/entertain/warm a few hearts"? That was one of your goals, but it doesn't seem to be a very amusing topic. Just wondering.... This reads a bit stiffly. I think your attempts to rhyme and have "rhythm" have resulted in your central message being obscure. I do like the fort of cold marble and love, and I think the line "I'm afraid that we really forgot how to love" (as awkward and clumsy sounding as it is-- please rephrase it) get to the core of what you are trying t...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Great topic. Here are some suggestions: The opening line is a bit out of place because you immediately contradict it and it doesn't sound reluctant enough. Maybe you could say: "Fine, I'll admit it: Mountain Dew is good." Or something of the sort. "who’s adam’s apples glurged up and own with swirly eyes and flaring nostrils," "Who's" should be whose. I do not believe "glurged" is a word-- perhaps it is a typo? Also, I don't know if the "swirly eyes" is necessary-- I think the flaring nostrils...
I did not find this humorous or satirical at all. To be honest, I don't really know what the point of this story is-- it did not amuse me, inspire me, or teach me a lesson, or intrigue me. If it is a satire on anything, it is a mockery of insane people, which is in poor taste. The problems with conventions (spelling, grammar, etc) did not help my impression. I am sorry for the harsh review, but perhaps if you thought about some deeper meaning to introduce to your story, or added another chara...
Nice, but it feels a bit unfinished. Maybe have one more statement, starting with "The rich die young"? Something unexpected. "The rich die old, replaced by the young"... I don't know. Grammar-wise, you might want to fix the punctuation. Semicolons are inappropriate. A comma would suffice. "The weak die young, killed by the strong."
This is definitely one of the more unusual and intriguing pieces I've seen on Urbis. Some suggestions/comments: -I like "6:07 a.m." on a line by itself. It makes the reader pause and breaks up the flow nicely, in the same way that 'I felt high' does. -If the paparazzi found your address and are following you, then how can you "avoid the public" on the way to the police station, or at the coffeehouse? Maybe refer more to the cameramen, perhaps continuing with the bird imagery.... A very well d...
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