AnotherDream's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Bronx, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 24
LOC: Bronx, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 24
I am 22 and I have taken a job in the editing industry midnlessly inserting commas and semi-colons all the days of my life. Save me. Please.
In my spare time, I write/read and I have become obsessed with the issue of madness, especially in conjuction with women, because I am, after all mad and a women. My three best friends are Sylvia Plath, Virgina Woolf and Anne Sexton (in that order).
Currently, and sporadically, I’m working on a collection of short stories that deal with maddening issues and women (ie: depression, obsession, age, expectations, eating disorders, which will each earn a story)...however boring that may sound. The working title is Mad New York (I want New York to be a character in it as much as any other, b…
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This isn't really a short story... It's the prologue to my collection of short stories Mad New York I'm putting it here for those who are following, because the rest are classified as short stories. It's not at all finished, and basically a first draft. Here I have an outline of what I want to say. I'd appreciate reactions the most. I want to know how people are responding. Thanks. PROLOGUE By the time I was 19, I’d experienced bouts of severe depression, seen a therapist, went through a ph...
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Here she lies, Plan B, With her dark comfort And twisted empowerment. She found her way inside my brain Dug to its core And settled there. Somehow, changing me. She lights up like a match. My red-eyed little option, Illuminating coroners I'd never otherwise care to try. She dances around me, With ballerina-like delicacy And the power of God, Brushing me from time to time With the cold of her skin. In desperation, she roars up-- Shiny and attractive as ever. Singing a song of possibility That ...
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Did you tell her about me? When you brushed the blonde strands away from her eyes And exploded into her heart, Did you say my name? You should have. Because I felt every inch of it, Like nails digging their way down my back Further with every pulsing motion. And when she screamed, I screamed. For different reasons of course-- Mine drenched with jealousy and rage And a hint of desperation. I should have known it would be bad for me to follow, To rush out barefooted When I heard you start the c...
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Tonight I know, Your lips will never taste the same. They've been poisoned, And they look stone cold and dead. I knew before you told me. Call it woman's intuition, if you must, Call it whatever the fuck you want. It doesn't change a thing. Your words hit me like a wave. One that knocks me behind the knees-- And it tastes like vomit. It tastes like nothing you've ever tried. Once I gave myself to you, Sweet and young and begging you to take me. I was all yours. But now I can't stand for you T...
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I watched you hold her hand. You both pushed the same foot forward, Arms swinging In identical fluid motions As you led her around the curve of the driveway. From the window I could see A rose peeking out of her knapsack. One you'd given her, I presumed. One she'd stick in a vase And save its dried leaves in her scrapbook. I felt as if I could vomit on my own two feet. I had no walks in the sunlight, No sweet same-footed march no roses in my knapsack And no sentimental scraps. Instead I had d...
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Reviews
I think the beauty of your poem is its simplicity. However, I do think you could use punctuation here and there to stress your words. Perhaps a period at the end of the first line to intensify "nothing" or a dash or comma after "eating away a gap." I think that it would add a certain fluidity to the work.
I really enjoyed your work. I like the image of white blankets and black sheets for a relationship, sort of like something pure with underlying trouble. I like a few of your other images also, like the fireflies. I did think the "hanging dead from trees" image may be a little out of place. What I mean is that line took me by surprise. The other "outside factors" in that stanza didn't seem as graphic, I guess. That's just my opinion.
This really is amazing, makes me want to get naked or take a shit or both. hahaha It's even better outloud! You're so dirty I love you! I especially like the I-could-be-free-but-I'd-rather-be-submissive ending. HOT, toasty even.
I like the message here, and I think you've chosen to break the stanzas at the perfect places. Now some advice: Your words are clean and sound nice, but they're simple, and I think some images or more emotion-packed words could benefit the poem. There are a million better ways to say "sad" and "happy." Also, I'm not sure why the 't in brought. Some punctuation might also help the flow of the poem. Overall a nice job here! Keep writing, I like your style.
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