Anthony_Murray's profile

Anthony_Murray avatar
AGE: 19
LOC: Garner, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 06

Well alot of what i write comes from what inspires me. I look forward to all the advice i will get from you guys.

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Items
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / These words are for her
Version 2
10 Reviews   0 Comments
Let me introduce myself to my readers. My name is Donald. Personally I don’t care what you call me, for the simple fact that names are not important to me. I am very funny, well that is what people tell me. People don’t get to see my serious side that often, I like to keep it that way. I want to act and write when I finish with school. Hopefully I will be able to attend a smalll liberal arts college to get to my ulitmate goal of becoming a published writer or starring in a live threatre show...
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Poetry / Purity
Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I see discarded people, scattered all over like pigeons in an inner city park. Speaking only passion and truth I can rescue them, restore hope. I give dreams of salvation. I am the prophet of purity. A land where peace runs like water. A land where unity blankets the masses, As morning dew does the grass in the morning. A land where the pure and innocent become mocking birds that sing ballards of the prophets. This is the land of salvation. This is what my followers dream. But I grow hungry. ...
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Poetry / Leaves
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Leaves, orange and almond, Spiral toward the earth, In a storm of chaos and confusion, Always following the institution. Pristine and precise Is their fall the soil. During their fall they are peaceful, Like an artist at his easel. When they reach the dirt, They don’t make a move, not a twitch Nor a peep, not a sound, As they lay there still on the ground.
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Poetry / Purity
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I was dreaming about angels above me. I wonder if angels are just beautiful Girls with empty souls. They have died inside. I think Tonight is the night I’ll kiss an angel. Walking the road of humanity I see discarded angels. Faces are frozen covered in defeat and death. Faces hide empty souls. Saving one means I leave the rest. Their golden halos are no longer a beacon of innocence. Wings white, like clouds in the heavens. Those wings bounded by black chains. Desolated, desecrated, they are d...
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Poetry / Shimmer
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Time’s turning black. Fear blinds me. The shimmer in her eyes Controls. I’m ushered out. I’m the past, Longing to be the future. I will settle for the present. Time’s turning black, Making everything frost over. The frost freezes me. The shimmer in her eyes Controls. Praying for time to slow I stand alone in cold darkness, Trying in vain to stop the future, The future that I’m not. Time’s turning black. Only the shimmer in her eyes Corrupts. Slowing to a stop, That’s the frozen clock Anxiety ...
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Reviews
Okay. You have a piece that you can work with. However, this piece needs a lot of work. First of you need to show me the two women in the poem. I don't seem them. I don't see why she cries. Also I see you want to express things, but you use a bunch of cliche lines. Like the second line in stanza nine. Try show take an orginal spin on that type of feeling. I can tell this piece means something to you but for the reader to relate you have to show them how you feel.
Poetry / Neverending Poem
I nocticed that the first two lines don't help the piece any. I like the gerenal idea you have here. Sometimes it helps to start a piece over and just keep the the main points of the piece. It may also help if you put in some punctuation. You also used the wrong "there" in line 17. But Overall you have a start to a good piece here.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Free credits
Removed
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / IT IS! IT IS! IT IS!
1. In response to the first qeustion; I believe that setting up the dialouge the way you did was a good idea. I think it was a simple way to convey both sides of your mind. This idea can be turned into an essay. You could be more deatailed about the slacking off. You could even describe it in detail. The point about life not being perfectly planned. I do like the RPG analology " Life Builder, ". It makes the peice different. 2.I said essay because it reminds me a lot of something written by g...
You have a really good piece here. I only saw a couple problems with a few lines. The first line a had a problem with was "The very act of living was doubled". At least for me this way implied. The line itself just isn't needed. The second line a had a problem with was " greatest gift on earth." This seems really cliche. Since you made the comparison to breath, maybe you continue that in that line. I believe that would make the piece better.
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