Antigravity421's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Storm Lake, IA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 21
LOC: Storm Lake, IA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 21
So I’m this guy, right… I breathe, eat, walk, talk, and shit like everyone else. Poetry obviously intrigues me. I also like to play the bass guitar and maintain chill at all costs. I like reading other peoples work and having them read mine. The reason I’m here is because I’ve never really shared or been critiqued much over the course of my life, and there is definitly room for improvement, and if I can help someone else out at the same time… nifty. Peace.
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Version 1
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venom from above piling on ruinously ”take a breath, inhale the impurity, inhale, wait, it takes time to die…” (inevitability) the fickle nights moon passes overhead signaling a reprieve? it’s just a farce… false hope in bathed light beauty that, for an instant, clears my mind but reality can be ignored only so long it’s a count-down to the last moment… pervasive gravity consuming, intent on decimation I feel the pressure mounting my structure is already weak, fractured, fragile it can go on ...
Version 1
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mossy rock cushion, beautiful and treacherous, doesn't bequeath traction. it beckons Come on, they say, come in the air is fine crisp on this bittersweet day of relief transcending pain… but even one step is a perilous journey for the rest of us… I can't help but wonder what it was like to let go. where is the mind, when freedom becomes reality? there's something to see now. new life in death? the suffering at the end of it's presence. no more pain, no more angst but where are you? Are you ha...
Version 1
1 Review
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I’ll never be made right again never to feel whole just another lost soul yearning to feel filling the holes with chemicals that never last they run their course only to make the crevice expand what can I do, pretend that I’m all right? there is no question… I feel death encroaching the shell of my body may wander the earth many years to come but already inside I’ve died and been revived many times… now I fear permanence because I can’t take anymore nothing will heal the wounds inflicted tear...
Version 2
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Stashed away, concealed in the shadows. Hidden from eyes that find themselves peering in, all glazed over. (but you don’t see me…) Stumbles and slurs disguise endearment. It was there, it still is… I fear not for long, for the shadows dance will inevitably push away your pupils, and light will fail. The darkness ravages all that’s left, swarming in as vultures will when weakness is apparent. I wont recognize their presence as they gorge themselves on what life is left, until there’s nothing b...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Stashed away, concealed in the shadows. Away from eyes that find themselves peering in, all glazed over. (but you don’t see me) Stumbles and slurs disguise endearment. It was there, it still is… I fear not for long, for the shadows dance will inevitably push away your pupils, and light will fail. The darkness will ravage all that’s left, swarming in as vultures will when weakness is apparent. I wont even recognize their presence, or be aware of the impending doom of taking on this world away ...
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This piece is written well. I do have one suggestion. The stanza where you say, "I don’t trust the misunderstood". Misunderstood there seems a bit akward with withstood two lines above it. I realize that it's for the sake of rhyme, but it seemingly detracts from what otherwise is an enjoyable, emotional piece. Good work and good luck getting published :)
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I do belive I just reviewed another one of your pieces and I must say that you are definitly a talented individual. Very descriptive. It paints a picture that I see all to well (the way I take it anyway). It's good. "the end of my universe" after all that was said before solidifies it all. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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This piece is really good. It's heavy, yet not. It has a lot of truth put forth quite eloquently. The first stanza really struck me quite hard, "Somewhere between sleep and dream lies rest beyond the ache of morning and the start of the engine lies fantasy" these first two lines drew me in so hard I couldn't just read and let go because it's all true and I feel the same. Also the last longer stanza is written very well. Actually, the whole thing is written well, tears in my eyes. Emotional da...
I have to wonder if these bugs are representing people. That's what I equate them too. "Nathan" possibly being a child. The fly possibly a man with definite issues. And the butterfly, the meek one who steps back and trys to appease everyone. It just seems like a family to me. If that's what you meant it to be then phenominal. :) If not, i'm way off, but I did enjoy the read. There's a mysterious appeal about this piece for shure...
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