Apatheticwriter13's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Marrero, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 10
LOC: Marrero, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 10
I’m a bored twentysomething living in New Orleans. I’d like to change the world, ala Kurt Cobain, but I sleep to much to do it. I mainly like Dada and surrealist stuff, as well as postmodern literature. I dunno why but art fascinates me. Anyway contact me if you wanna talk or whatever. I’m open….
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(It is a bright and early Sunday morning. A church, sparsely but ornately decorated. The floor is a glossy shade of gold, looking freshly waxed. Towards the back, a stained glass window. A few rows of benches line the church. A medium-sized altar to the side. Two men, Cane and Abel, sit in their seats facing the front. They continually stare off into space, their hands on their laps, dressed in brown rags and beat-up hats. Finally, Cane speaks.) Cane: What day is it? Abel: Sunday. Cane: Wasn&...
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Myself, Tom, Stan, and Theodore stood at the edge of the universe, watching the swirling galaxies, the stars, the suns, all of space. Stan sat crouched on an asteroid, his hands to his chin. "Earth, what do you think that is?" he asked. We all looked around for a minute and it became quite obvious. "Well, Stan, everyone knows it's a planet," I guffawed. "No, no, no," he shook his head, "I know that. But what genre would you classify it under?" "Genre?" Theodore questioned. "Yeah, yeah, genre...
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The opening line "Madness cheers" hooked me in right away. Something about yhose two words together.... "welcomed nevermore" Nevermore is a bit arhcaic and dramatic for the diction that's otherwise presented here. The poem's strengths are its language and its rhythm. I find this to be an almost musical piece. Upon further review, however, I found the rhyming scheme was a bit off. Some stanzas had a definite rhyme scheme, while others didn't. This may be somehing you want to tweak when editing...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This has potential, but perhaps you might need to expand it. While I like the back-and-forth dialogue between the characters...the part about Dan Brown and the 30 percent similarity was amusing...I'd like to know more about their relationship. Remember that concrete details always help writing. The reader might need more descriptions of where they're at, what exactly is going on, etc.... Their ideas are cute and the story has a few quotable quip, but other than that, this feels really unfinis...
"everything that cross our path in life" Should be crosses our path in life. Not to nitpick though.... 'finding a happy medium" Should be quotations in front of finding. "a persons desire for happiness" a person's desire for happiness This was very tight, solid writing. While abstract, this is to be expected in blogging. I really like how it immeditaely jumps out at you and launches right into the topic. Your control over diction and syntax is very eloquent. While being poetic, it's also an e...
I like this piece. The lush and evocative language bring to life the emotions being described. In particular, the line "Sin buries its lust/ In a city of light". The sounds and alliteration of lust and light work well together. The whole poem seems composed on monosyllabic words and this helps to establish a crisp, but poetic flow to the composition. What really works for this piece is the images. Instead of falling into the common trap of describing abstract emotions, this poem brings them f...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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