I liked the en media res intro. You take us right into the character's situation. The narrative voice compliments his personality really well. The conversation between him and the girl at the bus stop goes a bit too fast. Maybe slow down the pace to bring us into it and itroduce her; who is she, why is she talking to him exactly? I'm a bit confused at this part. I like his movemnets and his casual wondering at everyday things. It creates sympathy and interest in the protagonist. Wow. What a b...

"I drove up to see her after work, it was very late Or almost early" Like these opening lines, creates a sense of doubt. I like the part where it fades into italics, it's like you go to another dream world or something. The poem has a decent rhythm, the short and clipped nature of it gives it a sense of impressionistic rushing. I'm getting a lot of mixed feelings from this poem. There's a sense of pain but tenderness. "God still paints daily He hasn’t quite gotten it right" I love this line f...

Heh. Clever stuff here. I liked how it started out at the beginning as a mockery of cliche Urbis criteria. Then in devolves into a string of bizarre actions and descriptions. I get a feeling of cynical apathy from the last couple of lines. The brevity works, as it moves quickly to shocking/abrpt image, which helps the pace of he comedic timing well.

"There is a lady who holds the record for the ability to pop her eyes out the furthest from her skull. If some one from the world record committee had been here Calvin would have given her a run for her money." Tjis is a funny line, I love it. Great imagery and tone. Hmm. Interesting story. I'm guessing this is the devil or some othe rmalevolent force (obviously). What I like is that you lay with horror cliches; while the narrator sounds evil, there's a hint of world-weary sarcasm in there, a...

Repetition of sharp in the second line kinda throws the rhythm of the poem off. But maybe that's just me. The repetition of the details and specific words causes the poem to build, giving it an almost weighty quality. I like how this reflects history and the culture of the Incas amassing in power as well. The way you describe her hair especially touched me. I liked that part. Overall, some vivid details. I also appreciate how you look at this woman from all angles and consider all the differe...

Very strong piece. You keep it to-the-point and focused. I liked how you discussed his art and what it exactly meant and its details. While analyzing his works is good, I'd like a slight bit more detail/background info on this guy. You said it made you interested in him; but who exactly is he? Where did he grow up, what motivated him to do art, etc. That sort of thing. The last line felt out-of-place and like it was tacked-on. Either scrap it, or put it in earlier and expand on it a bit. Othe...

Clever idea. However, Mike goes along too willingly with this idea at the beginning. Akward phrashing. Either use quotations or switch it around somehow. "Mike clicked his tongue. “Half-Elven ranger, thank you.” Great line. However, would he really click his tongue? Cute piece. As an avid gamer and someone who once participated in these role-playing games, I appreciated this. It has a very tongue-in-cheek, breezy tone, which fits with the characters and situation you described. The dialogue i...

"Is ¾ of our hard-earned money in some cryptic, wealthy only type of escrow?" Awkward opening sentence. I like the word choice. Eloquent but down-to-earth. "Though I haven’t reached the cusp of my uttering in this post," A bit of unclear phrashing there. You've got a very strong argument and passionate prose here. You come across as righteously indignant buy you explain your opinions. That way, it comes across as calm and not just rageful ranting. However, what you have in rhetoric, you lack ...

A funny and breezy piece. You get right to the point and launch the reader into it. I like how you describe the people actually trying it out and how you google it at the end. The details are good too. I liked the ps at the end, it added a nice epilogue to this entry.

The quote opening up this piece is good; it sets the mood. I like how you describe an overview of the government and include yourself in here, asking questions of the reader along the way. This helps draw the audience in. "a sickeningly opulent prism" I like this phrase for some reason. Hmm. Interesting ending. I like how the tension builds via the imagery and all. However, I felt this ended way too soon. I'm curious as to what exactly is going on here? This is a dream, I'm guessing. I'd like...