I thought it was cute, but I was confused about half way through. You said they were at a party. I had more of a sense that they were alone. I liked the banter, but I am assuming this is a period piece. It is refreshing to see some writing that suggests the audience is capable of thinking. Being an old-timer who was brought up on the old romantic comedies, I'm tempted to say the dialogue is dated, but a darned sight better than some of the stuff written by some contemporary writers that seeme...

I wish that I had the benefit of having read chapters 1 through 3, but I shall do my best. Being familiar with Seven's character, this is anything but like her. Is this a treatment for a script? It reads as if it was, simply because the phrasing suggests just that. I can't find anything else that I can say about it except I'd really like to read the the rest. Good work. It really suggest no one point of view, nor does it go into the thoughts of either charcter too deeply, so I can only says t...

Oh my god! By the way, short stories aren't necessarily easier to sell. If this is a true story, this will make one hell of a narrative! I'd buy it in a heartbeat. I can actually hear someone reading this on New Yew public radio's 'Selected Shorts'. It totally engrossed me. I'd work on making the guy's strange accent a little more reader-friendly...no, I have no suggestions on that...lol...Very entertaining; humorous and a bit scary. Good stuff!

Wow! The story was so good, I had to take another look at it. I have to be honest; if anything needs work, I'm hard-pressed to find it. The characters are very believable; I really felt it when Maryann collapsed on the field. Dave...excuse me, David, reminded me of many people I've met in life. The millieau came to life as I read it and was swept off to another world...thanks for letting me know I'm not so jaded after all...Great story. Let me know when the book hits the shelves!

Oh boy...you're going to hate me...However, keep in mind, revising and editing is a necessary part of writing as well as keeping an open mind... Okay, you started out with a great though brief synopsis about your story and characters. However, as I start read this chapter expecting to see something about how Mikell begins Lauriana's training in his secret lair. I expected to see some aspects of what Mikell does in preparing her for her quest...in short, some ACTION. instead, I get, "After ano...

Wow...great prose, but I wish you flush out your story even more. I'd like to kow more of where the character's place is in his nillieau...With me being basically self-taught, in my ignorance I'd say it was a bit 'high concept for the general public...However, I would not suggest you change it...just give us more! Very good flash!

First of all, I agree with your agent's assessment. Mot important to me is whe I pick up a book or story, I expected to be intrigued and held captive by the first paragraph. You did just that. By the end of the first page I had a grasp of the entire world where you tale takes place. Very good start! Hoever, the transition between where you told the story of the traveller and where the Council took the orb to the craftswoman was a bit fuzzy. Was the meeting a past event or had it occurred whil...

First, I'm going to tell you what's right about it. You have a great story idea here; it moves, you paint a good picture of the world. I was entertained. The problem that diminishes what you have is the grammar and style is a bit sloppy. It is hard enough doing slang or or regional dialects let alone what I am assuming is a foreign accent. You have to be careful when creating a character with an accent...believe it or not, even made up accents have to be clear and understood. The way you wrot...

The story is well done; the characters are thought out and believable, your storyline created great visuals...but... WHERE'S THE HORROR?? Other than a super human show of strength when lincoln broke the cop's arm, I have no idea where horror was...unless you're talking about growing up in the urban streets, then okay, but what kind of horror story is it? I wouldn't know...