Audiobooks's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
We sell audiobooks and eBooks from new and mid-list writers
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Version 1
14 Reviews
10 Comments
“I’ve discovered how to make a billion dollars!” I gush, as I practically sprint into the room. Eran looks up from his computer, unimpressed. He’s heard my bragging about impending fame and fortune before and he’s almost as sceptical about it as Csilla, his beautiful – and currently pregnant – Hungarian wife. “ZIMBABWE dollars?” he asks, raising his eyebrows, Roger Moore style. “US man!” I say, ignoring the sarcasm. “Good...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
“I’ve discovered the secret of how to make a billion dollars!” I gush, as I practically sprint into the room. Eran looks up from his computer, unimpressed. He’s heard my bragging about impending fame and fortune before and he’s almost as sceptical about it as Csilla, his beautiful – and currently pregnant – Hungarian wife. “ZIMBABWE dollars?” he asks, raising his eyebrows, Roger More style. “US man!” I say, ignoring the sarcasm. “Good ol’ Greenbacks! Or maybe even sterling!” He looks at me b...
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For the most part the image and phraseology was good. But "feeling injection" came over as rather awkward and clumsy, like you were trying to condense am adjective with a noun almost for the sake of it. Also, instead of "fool this surrender" I would have said "deny this surrender." Apart from these minor gripes, the poem worked well enough to convey the mood and state of mind.
First off, with this first person, stream-of-consciousness style, you're conveying a lot of information in a very condensed form. The trouble is that the reader may not get it quite as quickly as your narrator says it. So we have to re-read. Therefore, it would be no loss (time-wise) if you said more in order to explain and clarify. For example, with Polly and Sukie, if you'd included a glib remark about putting the kettle on, I would have got the connection without having to re-read and sear...
Assuming that I understood the poem, the most cryptic thing about it was the title. Prima facie it appears to be a funeral or wake of some one who died in a plane crash, from the point of view of a friend or relative who is remembering them or things they said ("your old words"). The first stanza is also somewhat cryptic. Is the narrator crying, whilst punching the carpet in grief? The language could be clearer here. "You fell from high speeds" sounds right to the ear, but appears to be techn...
There seems to be a heavy emphasis on shock value in this work - and I can't escape the feeling that you are laughing AT - rather than WITH - your audience. This is apparent both from your cryptic notes to reviewer and the piece itself ("Oprah Winfrey's vagina..."). The same goes for the Rating category "Milk" which appears again to be a private, cryptic joke at the expense of the reader. The opening line is cryptic and confusing. Why would an aircraft (which is a very slow lumbering vehicle)...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
This piece has a good solid beginning that grabs the reader's attention. It makes the reader want to know more about the background, whilst cleverly avoiding the trap of starting off with the background and forcing the reader to wade through it. By the we get to the background, we are already hooked by the power and shock of the boy's mother being arrested and are well and truly suckered into the boy's world. I was impressed by the way you got inside the mind of a child, especially one in wha...
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