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BTBeamon's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 04
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 04
I’m currently working on a novel titled “The Great Being”
I look forward to sharing my writing with others and reading some good work.
-BT
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Version 1
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The Tinsley Apartment building stood eight floors high, the brick walls worn from age. Conrad Fox—with Indicott Norrington at lead—went through the hall and to an old elevator. Conrad noticed the musty smell of the building, and associated it with the age, mixed with moisture, which seeped into the building from the week long rain currently holding Asbrey City in a melancholy state. There was something about not seeing the sun, the blue sky, that depressed Conrad—inp...
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Version 2
2 Reviews
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He was standing on a mountain range. Indicott Norrington gazed over the incredible scenery that stretched beyond the eye’s ability to see. The scent of fresh pine, and the sounds of countless living things assaulted his senses. The gentle breeze, combined with shade, made the lightly forested area ideal for resting. Standing underneath a tree on the mountain’s peak, Indicott pulled a banana from his interior coat pocket, peeled it, and took a bite. The moment he swal...
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This was a touching story on how 9/11 affected rescue workers, or in this case, the individual. I could feel his confusion. Unsure of what to do, and how to go back to living like before. Questioning his beliefs because of the horror he had seen. Overall, a well written, engaging short story on something that everyone was touched by, in some part.
I really liked this chapter. Nothing jumped out and took me off track, in fact, I found the characters voice very engaging. It might just be me, but I found the tone somewhat melancholy, which I liked. That tone, and-going back to the characters narration, made me think a bit of Chuck Palahniuk (a favorite of mine.) The character/narration flows well, very natural delivery and 100% believable. Overall, a good first chapter, it sets up the story very well, and left me ready to turn to the next...
That was pretty good. You had me on track with the descriptions and feelings. I was thinking at the end that things weren't going to turn out so good with the touching, and then the last line. Now re-reading it just makes me laugh!
Interesting first chapter. It took me a little while to get into what was going on. However, once the 'dream' was finished I understood what it was. I particularly liked the use of flashbacks to show more about the characters. It's pretty clear that the main character has some (possibly) unresolved issues, and certainly a darkness about him. I did notice a few redundant words which made some sentences unnecessarily drawn out, I couldn't cite any without digging throughout the entire chapter a...
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