Something seems different? At first this scene seemed to be in his head, thinking up what this girl would say, I dunno? He is looking back at his homecoming, but yet he is there, having already been in prison? I think I know, but if I analyze, it eludes me. I don't remember the first sentence being so long? When I get to "raucously" that is an intense verb, so maybe save that for later. I like the ending, weighing on the pillow, since that describes a lot of hotel sleepins. I assume this was ...

Interesting. I like the scenery, "snow crunching" "winter coat" etc., and feel what you are saying. There is a drawback for me, so I must be honest. I don't recommend using so many commas and periods, they stumbled for me, serious. "The smell of the sedative, rifle..." is one sentence, a complete thought of itself, and yes the next line relates, but is separate altogether. I would have liked to know more about what was shot, speaking for others as well however? The only real clues are "hoof" ...

The first line throws me off, "When in these situations" with no idea of the situation. What has caused their "screeching" we are not told. "I have powers lost by stone cold negligence to universal facts" is what message you are giving, but I doubt an alien lacks composure, unless it was a mis pick. This is an alien, and how do movie watching tv buffs relate you should keep in mind? I think you meant "cake and ice cream" to be a representaion of your characters alienation? It is an interestin...

In the first stanza I like the second line, the first line did not pull me in. "The valley ran" is good. The first two stanzas could possibly be made into one, "empty the land" seems repeated. I really like this poem. I love the sculpture, the images. The sweating does a nice job of strengthening the poem, just as the sculpture became impassive, so does the audience. At the end, the last two stanzas were not as good. They went back to some reality of breakfast, but I think was just how it rea...

I'd say I'm very pleased here. You've done a great job of explaining, while not making this a technical writing piece submitted to your insurance company for benefits. It is a bit shocking you were knocked unconscious, that part could use a little more explaining. The way I vision it, the fence opened, but you were on the wrong side, so first it sucked you in, then went back, taking you with it? But by then you were between two parts of the fence? Symbolically it sounded like you were the cel...

Very good. I liked your last line, showing the meaning of your poem, that is nice and sweet. Such a broad topic, and you chose to show the meaning of life, of values, and how these are misplaced with greed. Check spelling "then" twice needs "than" instead. "Ourselves" "I know there are some out there" is a really nice line. It lends itself to deep contemplation, retrospection. I imagine the ones drinking and dancing, with a lot of money, and think about myself. Sometimes I want to dance, othe...

This is intriguing, and it seems symbolic to an experience by the "eternal" cue given. "Soul shook asunder with desire untold" is real good. This is a passionate poem, sensuous images layer themselves to tell of a tale, or an actual experience ending with but "one embrace". I would not say this will be continued, I would keep it here as one poem to the legacy of your relationship. The two lines, "Scared to look/With every beat" are my favorites, and 'fraid is original, along with the surreal ...

Besides the few suggestions I will give, feel this is a peaceful and sincere poem. I love the adventuring spirit you provide. There is a lot to say about poems dealing with travel, at least that is how I feel. Since reading this, I have relaxed more, and images of the moon and stars in various places and times stream in and out of my mind. I love how you were being led by your map, that is powerfully significant with your creative prowess. don't need adverb "westerly", perhaps say, 'lain to t...

By your experience you have amply created a firefighting story after the klaxon resounded that has nothing to do with an inferno. In the beginning I love how you plead her case, all of the strings she must pull, and only wish there was more about her and how she got the party started. "Oh, no way, man!" is a classic line from Salmonella, gravitating us further into her escapades. Now for some reviewing: Despite her occupational hazards, I doubt she would have become haggared in two months, so...

I like the first and third stanzas best, as is. I sensed what you were saying, but the poem took too many turns for my immediate gratification. Each stanza does SAY something, but the transitions appear weak for now. In Stanza 2, "crying child" and "slumping" threw me off. "clutched" and "slumping" don't go well together so close. Stanza 4, too many "Or", line 3 might go best at the end. Stanza 5, I like what you have said, I just don't know enough about "unwashed sheets" if that is a rehab, ...