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Babbleson156's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Pensacola, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 20
LOC: Pensacola, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 20
I’m a semi-professional tarot reader, a young mother, a goon. Verbose from an early age, with a tendency to phrase things bass-ackwards. Hermes and Venus are my homies. My mommy has always wanted me to write a book.
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Version 1
16 Reviews
5 Comments
I've little to offer that's not angst, warmed over and served in a manner ill-befitting my age. It's ten years old, two years gone, heavy and greasy and dumpy. Please, try just one spoonful and then dessert will be daydreams and pipedreams, prepackaged clichés: cloying, pink, old quite old, but not stale yet. Dusty Little Debbie Dreams. Twinkie fantasies. A sure sign of my recent regression, you think? I think you are lucky I'm not serving mud pies of scansion, for, as a rule, I don't serve f...
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Oh, hells yes! I love me some flashbacks and hot marshy vibes. I'd pick up the book for the hidden coming-of-age story inside the mystery. Not sure yet whether I'd buy it, that depends on how the first chapter or two go when I'm reading it at the book store. Definitely would borrow it from the library. I hope that's not insulting. (grin)
Ooh, honey can you turn this into a longer story?? You've got a great messed-up-in-the-head vibe going on. I don't want it to end. I want it to get worse! I want to watch this kid go off the freaking deep-end. :cD
I wish you had written more about the little guy. Today I saw a little guy sitting on the street holding a sign. It said “Keep your coins, I want change” A child wants change. A Child wants change. I bet that child does change the world. --hooked me. Beautiful opening. Why not stay on the theme of innocent people changing the world? Why not talk of baby steps? The first five sentences are like the swansong of hope before you plunge me into dystopia. Maybe that's what you mean to do. I, howeve...
There's not much tangible imagery in here, mostly introverted angst, but because of that you made my brain do an interesting trick. My favorite part is the ascent that plunges, I read ascent and my brain goes up, and then you plunge me --it's like a roller coaster. Cool.
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