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Bargo's profile
AGE:
52
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
Imagination was Gods greatest gift to mankind yet what could man create with all the mysteries and wonders of the universe that lay before him? Man with his infinite wisdom created boredom.
Heavy….
However I do believe that imagination is a wonderous thing and I bow to those who can entertain people with the simple swipe of a pen or the press of a keyboard button.
Hail to you all who attempt to entertain.
My name is Rob and like my life I hope my writing matures with age (gracefully of course).
Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Chapter 3. The chill of the night was beginning to fill the room. The beams from the full moon broke through the open window and slowly advanced across the plank flooring towards us. 'Ludovico, the coldness of the night ravages this old body of mine more and more with each passing year. Could you close the window and light a warm fire?' Leonardo had celebrated his 64th birthday and it seemed the years tolled heavily upon him this night. It was not long after, with the window closed, the warm...
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Version 2
20 Reviews
8 Comments
Chapter 1. As with all stories there must be a beginning and an end....but....for what was an eternity the knowledge of my origin was unknown to me therefore there can be no beginning and there will be no ending. Whilst traveling throughout your World I have assumed many names to protect the secret that must be hidden from both man and Church. The secret is known only to a handful of mortal men and women as my trust in mankind has suffered even waned throughout the years. I have seen man ben...
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Ah the beginning of the end of the beginning. Now for the suspense. I will tell you my true feelings as to your work at the end of my review. 'Two gliding shadows, hot to the touch as they caressed the salt-glass sand, etc' Intimates that they, the two gliding shadows, were hot to the touch. I do not suspect this was your intention. 'Dadengo, the sun, not quite halfway through his journey across the cloudless lapis lazuli ocean that served as the Haradi-Inship sky, shone as only a god could;'...
I can see your point and will read the prologue. The potential is there but as with all of us needs fine tuning. 'She was a few inches shorter than me, reaching only my eyes when she stood her tallest.' It seemed rather cumbersome. You may wish to adapt it to say 'barely reaching my eyes when she stood erect.' Something like that. 'She looked at me with her simple face and worded, “I love you,” to me.'. As I have the impression that the words were tacit then 'and silently mouthed, "I love you...
Reading the story I began to think that this was merely a pleasure cruise with sights to delight the eyes. Voluptuous naked women abounding in the Estate of a wealthy man. But alas I was wrong! The twist was unexpected. Although I should have realized from the title "Naked Deceit.' In truth, refreshing because how much can one take of the delicate, defined description of the female naked form. It was also interesting how in one breath you describe the women and in the next the architectural g...
Descriptive in that the flies are attacked to death, rotting carcasses and will not cease their eternal plague. I’ll never outrun it for I am the smell. To emphasise that fact a comma should be inserted between it and for. Can you imagine her surprise when I showed her lungs covered in blood and black with ashes? I am a little lost as to whether these lungs of which you speak were her's. In saying that i showed her lungs this does not specifify this fact. When she saw her lungs. 'It seems as...
A rather interesting metaphor 'When they're little they step on your toes and when they're big - they step on your heart.' The dialogue is antiquated, and well depicts the language of those in their senior years. Your expression of their isms 'Life's a hard road to hoe' and 'Life weren't no trip to JC Penny's.' characterizes both their upbring and their age. I must however admit to being curious as to where this is heading. Is it about the incest, Myrtle's believe in her dying or could it be ...
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