Baspoet's profile

What a good story. I like the way the brief background quickly tells all that the reader needs to know, and then it is straight into the present and dialogue.The ending is delightful. Simple but penetrating well done.

First I wish words would come ou of me so easily. I enjoyed this, there are some good images - ' a tap on the shoulder' is particularly good as it could mean water tap or be pushed. However there are a few spelling mistakes - line 7 armor should be armour; line 8 calvary should be cavalry.

This is not a haiku. A haiku is 5 sylables then 7 and then 5 again. Expand and you could have something.

OK you got me, I want to know more. I liked the idea of the 'warm deep reds on the walls wrapped around her like a huge blanket'; the contrast of the warm reds and her porcelain skin seem to say something about her. And the name Gabriel - does he live up to it or is ir ironic? Tell me more!!!

The grammer and punctuation are a bit iffy in places - 'in case any of you's may have the wrong idea'. Perhaps - 'in case any of you get the wrong idea.'. Still the observations are powerful and well expressed but then again the woman says - 'I once was there but not anymore because Yes! I met someone...Its (should be it's) amazing how much of an effect someone can have on you'. The fact she only saw herself as beautiful after she met a man kind of weakens the message she is trying to get acc...