BeccathePromoMami's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 17
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 17
i’m 21. i’m from chicago. i write short stories and occasionally poetry. i love sneakers. i like to knit. i like to ride my bike. i like to read. i’m a promoter – i do events, parties, etc. i like shopping at sneaker stores, streetwear stores, and especially THRIFT STORES (they have the best t-shirts, hoodies, jackets and jewelry). i like all kinds of music.
i’m snarky and sarcastic.
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about my writing::
i love short stories. such an efficient and effective medium.
Items
Version 3
11 Reviews
13 Comments
Puzzle Pieces “I hadn’t been to work in four weeks, but I still dressed the part because if my roommates knew I’d been fired, they would’ve kicked me out the day of. It’s not like I don’t make enough money outside of work, they’d just rather have a roomate with more ‘stable’ income. They might not’ve kicked me out, but they’d give me a hard time about it and I’d rather just avoid it all together. We tolerate each other like that. So I left every morning and went to the campus down the street ...
Version 3
12 Reviews
10 Comments
Because He Had To I missed the cool, outside breeze as I crossed into the stale and musty air of the thrift store, my skin and the pigment of my shirt dimming under the flickering florescent lights. Neon shoulder-padded power suits hung above the rigid metal racks around the perimeter of the store, reminding the clothes on my back that one day soon, it would be their turn. I felt them shudder at the sight – at bedazzled blouses and hyper-bright neon track jackets fastened by tacks to the wall...
Version 5
12 Reviews
3 Comments
A Stranger’s Smile “I never thought of myself as shy.” My classmates stared at me, most likely searching my face for hints of nervousness or a tell that I was lying. Professor Teegan encouraged that sort of thing. “Not shy. Shy isn’t what I meant. Not quite how I would put it. It’s just – you don’t behave as boldly as the characters you’ve auditioned for – and I know it’s in there. That’s a big part of why you haven’t been getting parts.” That’s exactly what I wanted to hear, standing in fron...
Version 2
6 Reviews
3 Comments
Puzzle Pieces “I hadn’t been to work in four weeks, but I still dressed the part because if my roommates knew I’d been fired, they would’ve kicked me out the day of. We tolerate each other like that. So I left every morning and went to the campus down the street to use their free WIFI and knit. That’s where I met Brian. He was on his laptop, probably doing more than loitering, sitting a few tables over from me. We had been making eye contact and I could tell he wasn’t the type to make the fir...
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
Puzzle Pieces “I hadn’t been to work in 4 weeks, but I still dressed the part because if my roommates knew I’d been fired, they would’ve kicked out the day of. We tolerate each other like that. So I left every morning and went to the campus down the street to use their free WIFI and knit. That’s where I met Brian. He was on his laptop, probably doing more than loitering, sitting a few tables over from me. We made enough eye contact for me to know that it wasn’t a coincidence, and I could tell...
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Reviews
The image in the opening line is so spot on! It pulled me in immediately. The transition into referencing the character "you" was fairly smooth... The phrase "at least" in the second stanza takes away from the tone a bit and makes the piece more conversational - maybe that was intentional. I enjoy the descriptions and the story in the piece but the pacing and tone feels inconsistent. Sometimes it feels as if the speaker is addressing the reader directly - with the lines that contain imagery, ...
This is a good play on the pun "smokes like a chimney." I like that there is a clear speaker established in this brief piece - many haikus struggle with that because this is such a restricted medium. The reader has no trouble perceiving the speakers inner battle with the addiction and its effects. There's great tension created - which makes the word "ciggie" that more effective AND disturbing... it's a pet name for a vice the speaker seemingly despises.
I think, for the most part, the fragments are working. The one that stuck out for me as awkward was the bit of back story injected seemingly randomly into the first paragraph. "a better time..." The sentence proceeding that doesn't particularly add anything to the story. If anything, it feels like it's there only to force a mood on the piece. It breaks up the flow of the paragraph. There's another fragment that's a bit puzzling. Right after the line about ambiance you say, "that and good..." ...
This is an excellent start and very creatively written. I enjoyed reading it. The concept of this poem is very innovative and I feel it has a lot of potential and can be taken even further. You've already established your use of Death as an allegory and I think that is very deliberate and effective. The personification can be take to the next level by referring to Death not as "it" but as "he" or even "she". That would help to add a level of humanity to your piece and it would allow the reade...
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