BeesK's profile

Yipes. You are trying to cram way too much into this limerick, until it bursts it's seams and spills syllables into inccorect spaces. Scratch out, start again.

Brevity with grace.

Hmmm. The sob story wasn't the hardest a case worker like Lana would have heard, and if she was in the habit of giving out that much money for that little, well... she'd have quit and gone bankrupt before she was high enough up in seniority to be handling cases on her own, I think. Dialogue wasn't terribly belivable, but subject matter was very interesting. If you could flesh these people out and make them consistent with themselves (who is a prostitute who won't take "beaver shots"? What, ou...

I don't know whether to ask you to consider refining your adjectives or just erase them altogether. For instance, the use of the term "brazen" for the wind seems especially wrong, as it's supposedly cold where Bev is, and icy winds in autumn (I assume, with the bright maple leaves, another vague adjective) is usually considered rather purifying and frigid. Also, brazen conjures up a rather warm feeling. And the leaves- bright what? Bright green, with a naughty warm brazen breeze teasing skirt...

Heya. Once again, your work is a bit over my head, and I hesitate to critique because I may be missing something obvious that everyone else gets. But I will share what confuses me. At the beginning, the mention of palm frond and heads gives me headhunters in the rainforests. And then we're on a mission, maybe near-by, which I don't believe are technologically advanced, especially near rainforests. (I am assuming...) And then I'm watching television? I just don't know what you wanted me to see...