BeholdtheMan's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 28
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 28
im jorge, 15, recently moved to texas. i like art – all kinds. i draw, write, and act. um, music = life! rock on
Items
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
It’s over She tells us It’s all over She’s fine She’s fine We’re not going to make it out, Alive Leap for cover Stay in the dark where no one can see you, Ever You’re more shadow, than life More death, than light Heads rolling on the rubble Yet you remain Unamused If I am going to die Let it be slow No hurry They say that you were beautiful Once Long ago I’ve been floating in your tears For years Though you’d never know it My dear, I have your best interest at heart, I promise Desolate, you t...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
You weren’t there today I walked into the room And you weren’t there It was unearthly quiet And dark Dark, though the lights shone brightly We stare at each other We cry with each other And I can’t stop looking at that empty desk We all have the feeling Something is missing A smile, a laugh Beauty in every sense Someone is missing That damned empty desk You weren’t there today And though it wasn’t unexpected That doesn’t lessen the impact I thought I saw you today Walking through the halls Li...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Goosebumps riddle my flesh I feel like yelling out I feel like crawling into a corner My knees pressed up against my chest Vulnerable, it’s selfish Yet I stand in the chaos of summer day It’s beautiful outside A light breeze, sun shinning strong Glistening across the water Bittersweet, It’s a mockery To their memory Pour me a glass of that… It’s hazy over here But I see everything just fine And they’re all I can think about Only constant factor Since the beginning of life: Death I didn’t know...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
It’s over She tells us It’s all over She’s fine She’s fine We’re not going to make it out, Alive Leap for cover Stay in the dark where no one can see you, Ever You’re more shadow, than life More death, than light Heads rolling on the rubble Yet you remain Unamused If I am going to die Let it be slow No hurry They say that you were beautiful Once Long ago I’ve been floating in your tears For years Though you’d never know it My dear, I have your best interest at heart, I promise Desolate, you t...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
It’s over She tells us It’s all over She’s fine She’s fine We’re not going to make it out, Alive Leap for cover Stay in the dark where no one can see you, Ever You’re more shadow, than life More death, than light Heads rolling on the rubble Yet you remain Unamused If I am going to die Let me it slow No hurry They say that you were beautiful Once Long ago I’ve been floating in your tears For years Though you’d never know it My dear, I have your best interest at heart, I promise Desolate, you t...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
wow this is really good. i like it very much. You tell a wonderful story through your poetry. your language is effective, we definitely get a sense for the character and the emotions, as well as the scenery. i loved these lines "less-traveled paths", "an ascent... soul" those really stood out, great imagery. i think the ending works very well also, the repition of "the door opens" with a verse that follows each time really helps create a wood and create a "sense of urgency" as you said. well ...
Oh my God! This is hilarious. You sir are absolutely brilliant. This is loaded with cleverness and i found myslef chuckling through out the whole thing. "I shall wear black until they make a darker color." i know that im going to quote you on this "...alien among them... mothership" haha excellent, oh i definitely know what you mean "she knows nothing of true pain... world of warcraft." when i read this line i literally burst out laughing. this is so good. "bastion of family values" "I welcom...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Sweet. I like this very much. the writing style is excellent and it works very well. I find it very mood-ish i can really feel the emotion. your imagery is very good, very descriptive, enhcanting even (no homo)? the repetition of the "paris burning" line in the first two stanzas and its alteration at the end works wonderfully. your last stanza kind of reminds me of one of my own poems (its about 'falling' in a dream). overall well done i enjoyed it.
well this review is not going to be organized at all. okay, first off, your prose is beautiful. seriosuly its great writing, descriptions and whatnot are wonderful. Now the story itself is interesting, the bookstore thing is not really new but it works. The character developement for the protagonist is excellent, i mean first few paragraphs and i already know the guy-what hes like, how he thinks- and we really get a sense for the character. the candle thing is brilliant, poetic and meaningful...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People










