Bendo13's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Lock Haven, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: Lock Haven, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
I’m living in crappy central Pennsylvania for now.. My name’s Ben.. A beautiful woman referred me to this site and I’m very appreciative.
My personal poetry site:
New one coming soon For some reason tripod deleted my main page.. shady company.
My poetry group on Myspace: http://groups.myspace.com/swiminmymindofpoetry
A page I made with some pointers for writing poetry: http://www.geocities.com/bguinner/creativewritinghowtowriteapoem.html
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Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
My imperfections are protection from me becoming fiction. But you don't trust me so there must be something that I'm missing. I have true feelings that I'm revealing as I let you in. You feel the same but will that change before we can begin? I want to hear you but I fear you might be holding back. Don't know your plan but I understand why you wait before you act. Don't want to hurt you and won't desert you but when will we be us? Some may say that to go halfway it takes more than just trust....
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I’m done writing about the one that got away Don’t want to think about things I never got to say So I write them on a notepad, in crooked lines To guide the thoughts we both had at different times I might be thinking wishfully, but it’s not that hard to realize That look you seem to give to me is like you’re speaking through your eyes Every time your eyes meet mine, it seems we have to pause And in that time, I’ve come to find, I feel a little lost It’s hap...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Don't pay me. Save my talent.
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Opportunities
Version 1
7 Reviews
3 Comments
Words flow like water; pooled thoughts.
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Opportunities
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I'm walking towards nothing; my feet aren't even moving Can't focus on one thing when you don't know what you're doing I write lots of words made from a handful of letters And spill out my thoughts in hope that I'll feel better I've got so many ideas and so little time To write them down before I lose my mind I've lost my focus, not sure what to say And yes I know this is my mental decay Not much of a talker, but damn can I listen You seem to understand me more when it's written So words are ...
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I think it might make for an interesting story especially if it dives deeper into the corrupt and evil portions of politics. I kind of laughed when you said moist, me and my friends use to say that all the time. You may need to change retards to mentally challenged unless you don't mind coming off a certain way to some of your readers. But, after that you may at least want to consider putting the word normal in quotations. And lastly, I think you need to close your quote after Ozarks. Should ...
I had a little problem keeping up with the tempo this was to be read at with all the capital letters, but the punctuation helped a little. It just made the read a little choppy for me. I always felt writing is a way to get things out that you held in for so long. The question is, once it's out, do you show the person you wrote about and explain what you mean? Sometimes it's easier to swallow in poetic form, but I can relate to holding in thoughts and feelings.
I like the story idea, how you blend fact with fiction. It'd be an interesting read. There are a few errors I'd like to point out though: "here Thanksgiving" did you mean here for Thanksgiving? "is without finds" did you mean is without funds? “Mother, this just seems to odd.” should be too instead of to Otherwise I think you're on the right path for an interesting novel. At first when I read the title I thought it was going to be able the past president, but still factual stories are always ...
It's a sad story about love that I'm sure a few can relate to even if their girl never died but it seems so sudden when you say that she died. Maybe you meant for it to be like that since it was so sudden in your mind but it kind of slowed the read for me. Some of your rhymes seem forced, if you meant for those words to rhyme at all; they just seem out of place. I can see the real feelings in this writing it just needs touched up a little in the ways of the flow and rhyming words.
You use quite a wide array of vocabulary and while it sometimes slows the flow while reading it, it's very descriptive. Helps you paint the image in your head of a nice day out in your car as summer is slowly turning to fall. I think you have a good chance of being published with how you write.
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