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Benticore's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 09
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 09
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Version 1
87 Reviews
17 Comments
Beyond Beauty You are not beautiful. The word is a weak thing That can’t carry your weight Can’t Encompass your strength. Beauty is for teams of makeup artists Snoop Dogg hooks, Teen-crushing Grocery Mags and bland Romance novels. Beautiful is not real; beautiful is not every day; The word is a curse and a mirage, Branded like cattle, sold like wrapping paper. Beautiful is the plastic ideal born gurgling From huge Coca-Cola vats in Mexico and Gap Sweat Shops in China. And you are none of thes...
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The dialog here has a nice snappy, rhythm to it that you dont find often in writing. Since this is a screenplay, I found myself trying to imagine how it would sound, look, and feel on screen. In my imagination, Mathias and Caroline in their banter are quick, sarcastic, and full of wit. It would take some good, instant chemistry to pull it off well between two actors and not come off as wooden. But I guess thats a job for the actors and director isnt it? As a screenplay the dialogue rolls, wit...
I really like the angle you take on this story. It's a refreshing look at immortality. The two are like an old married couple that always meet each other and it comes across rather well in their interaction together. Well Done. You should be polishing this and getting ready to maybe submit it somewhere. I didnt see any major grammatical or stylistic errors to point out. Good luck and Keep Writing. Benticore Out
Now that is an interesting piece. I reread it several times to grasp it's meaning and while I see the metaphors to the insane asylum and the fear of being there, the fear of letting oneself UNDERSTAND being there, I am sure there are things I'm missing. Poetry like this, I wish there was a primer, a rosetta stone, to help me unlock the hiding wealth of meaning within. Im sure it's there, but I cant tease it out, no matter how much Dan Brown says, 'It's Jesus' Wife, Stupid!' I do like it thoug...
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