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BitesHips's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Fayetteville, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 30
LOC: Fayetteville, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 30
I am a twenty-one year old walking case of proverbial writer’s block.
However, in rare moments when it is lifted,I can produce something that might very well amaze the masses.
Aside from hoping that my dreams of becoming a professional writer are realized, I enjoy perusing vintage films and noir.
I have come here hoping for a little exposure and possible generated interests in my writings.
Also please realize I am here for genuine criticism, tell me what works…what doesn’t. I’m not here to have my hand held.
I enjoy reviewing as much as being reviewed, in some cases it would help being in the same network. After all, some of you have phenomenal pieces. Feel free to add if you enjoy unabashed reviews. ::wink::
Items
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Stasis in silence - Darkness quite clear. Freshly pulled sex, from the Mother herself. The scent of saccharin death -- Looms far too closely. Invisible inhalations cause a lightheaded fit. The spactacle of delivering external testicles, A laughing matter. Press lips against sullen cheekbones; Most grateful for the gift of reproduction. Flashes of the dying reach for you once more - Pulling so tenderly at the senses, Coating the world with the powder of lust -- A yellowed tincture against flus...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
I've sinned again. I've felt the skin that I should've left alone once more, betrayed the very hand that guided me and saught my redemption even when I...did not. I harbor the faint skittish memories of your touch and the way your rough, calluoused hands roamed the open fields that became a tapestry, a place for you to explore and discover things we've only dared dream of privately and even then...the deepest recesses were not enough. When you lean against me, whispering near violent pleasant...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
She awoke with a bated breath, a clumsy word trembled on her lips. The woman closed her eyes and simply rested there in that ample, companionless bed. The sound of her heart beating rapidly against her chest her only comfort there in the pitch-black darkness of the room. The space around her had simply grown far to cumbersome in the stills of the late hour. Her eyes scanned the now shadowy and foreign forms littering her room...her thoughts drifted. "I must stop doing this." The words fell, n...
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Fifteen was the year that things changed, things changed. The year that I drew hearts beside -his- name. The time that ceased to be before it ever was. that year I learned about two white doves. Fifteen was a number that held no bearing. The years passed by and I drew more than just hearts beside his name. The time moved slowly, creaking like the door...the frame. Your face was timeless and pristine. Fifteen was a dream. I touched the heart, in my chest...not on the page. I held him close to ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews
2 Comments
Maybe the world isn't so cut and dry. Things aren't as we've hoped and dreamed for. However I have opted to become inclined to say that perhaps the things that dreams are made of, the rare glow and capture of a thought...these things don't exactly equate a realism. To dream is to love and to love is to give hope...a faith of sorts. I believe in none of these things and yet have profited from both. I make my money from your weaknesses. I pay my bills with your "hope", your "dreams". When I sit...
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Reviews
I usually avoid rating poetry along these lines with such heartfelt overtures, however I found this short -- simple piece to be something refreshing. For it is all too often we, people in general, get caught up in how something looks or sounds and we overcomplicate it. Not with this piece. Not at all. It is in the simplicity that you have achieved something worthwhile. I strongly encourage you to write another piece and keep working with poetry. You have an interesting structure that is simpl...
On a personal level I absolutely LOVED this poem. Really one after my own heart, however -- I would say that you would be hardpressed on the publishing front. It can be very tricky trying to keep a prosaic sense of things when the subject matter can be utterly affronting to the reader. Often times they get lost in the surface of the poem versus the underbelly, the real occurance of things. However, I read this and can evoke sympathy for the character in this particular piece. Again, well done...
It's a rare occasion indeed when someone writes something that merits a review higher than a 6 in my book. What can I say though? This piece worked in so many ways, I felt the dream-like lethargy in the telling, superb usage of the theme alloted and I absolutely adored the mermaid reference. I look forward to more writing from you in the future. Again -very- good job.
This was actually pretty good. I've consider going back and possibly revising several typographical errors in addition to several small structural inconsistancies. You have something good here. I would certainly like to see more of your work in the future. My only suggestion is to go back over it and not be so liberal with the elipses where perhaps a comma, semi-colon or even a dash would suffice.
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