BlindMind's profile

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AGE: 18
LOC: Worcester, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 09

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Version 1
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We’re losing sense for space and time As we take in the soft sublime, The saffron stars light up our eyes Constellations can hypnotize. Burning, scorching, radiant Sun, Can tell of us of the things he’s done, As we depart and fall astray; Come say farewell to Milky Way. The golden hues can captivate, Out floating, fleeting body weight Stars sparkle like an opaque gem; Just maybe you are one of them.
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Poetry / Fleeting Moments
Version 2
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As I stand barefoot on the shore Hypnotized by the ocean's roar, Mesmerized by shimmering blue; My thoughts keep flying back to you. My thin toes sink beneath the sand Feeling the wind caress my hand, The swarms of seagulls circle me My eyes engulfed by endless sea. My arm erect toward lofty clouds Following sun the nimbus shrouds; I hear your voice across the skies Remind me of those last goodbyes.
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Poetry / Ashes
Version 1
12 Reviews   0 Comments
Radiate beyond the dawn Illuminate the Earth; Shattered sunrise left withdrawn Close your eyes and face rebirth. We wake to see the lonely flare, Concealing mists and ashen air; A world of flame and scorching sky The hallowed light shall pass us by. Crimson tears fall down on me Ornaments and fragile things; Dangling from the Judas Tree, Angels bleed without their wings. We rest to face the burning blast As scarlet shock waves echo past; Scattered ashes blacken the day, Oh world of naught; bl...
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Reviews
Poetry / Regret
Locked
Poetry / paradigm
The poem has very simple metaphors; but somehow, I think that works in it's favor. It's a very subtle and unpretentious piece-- I liked how you didn't try to blow it up to something more than it was supposed to be. The only thing I'd really suggest is to possibly develop the structure a bit more... it doesn't nesscessarily need rhyme, but I think some form of coherence would bring out the ideas more effectively.
Poetry / Hosmer
I've read this through several times and unfortunately could derive little meaning. This is not nesscessarily a bad thing-- the images are stunningly beautiful-- but is it meant to be ambgious? Certainly, it holds that effect; though as noted the language is so captivating that it hardly matters. :)
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / In a World of Perfection
Locked
The best thing thing poem has going is it's imagery. With that said, the rhyme scheme is all over the place-- and that really takes away from the overall experience, in my opinion. You should attempt applying a more structured form to this piece; I think it would truly benefit from a facelift. It isn't that your lines are nesscessarily bad... but they need to be approached from a more workable perspective in order to truly shine.
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