Blizzard06's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Lawton, OK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 29
LOC: Lawton, OK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 29
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Version 1
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Drums pounded out the rhythmic beat of Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55” loud enough to shake the foundation of the scrap heap Kyle called a car. Electric guitars shredded the edges of his synapses, like cutting the tips of a nerve with a fiery metallic sound. This, needless to say, only seemed to fuel a rebellious nature which had taken hold of him. The green glow of a CD player’s display illuminated his face in a sickly light. It was the kind of aqua color that can only be found in a shallow...
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Your descriptive language is obviously the key feature of this story, which (in a most spectacular fashion) blends end-of-times prophecy and popular zombie fiction. The only problem I could find reviewing your work was a matter of preference. The profanity used near the beginning put me off a bit (though, it wasn’t much of a hindrance to the reader’s enjoyment). Otherwise, this is a ten out of ten; you officially have a new fan.
I think this is a good concept, but, its portrayal could use some work. Especially the characters. More than description, it needs some serious back story as to why the villains are able to get away with their torture and abuse. Oh, and watch the capitalization in some places. You have "I" used alot as"i".
hmmmmmm. interesting point of view. this story was good, however there is one technical problem. in the conversation between the Son and the Old One, you may have used "time" to much. just something to think about.
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