BluPhoenix28's profile

BluPhoenix28 avatar
AGE: 28
LOC: Madison, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 29

Okay… I’m a late 20’s extremely single gay man who has delusions of being fabulous. I am not a writer but appreciate a great variety of pieces.

Scroll to bottom for pieces update.  

NOTES TO THOSE I REVIEW:
My opinion is brutally honest, and not there to coddle you but to help you. If this is an issue, tough crap. You have hence been warned warned that my opinion is no where near qualified or experienced, and might be considered a little caustic. I do my best to find something good in every piece.

Here’s the honest truth. I’ll read a piece. I’ll either like it or not. If I can express why I didn’t like it, I will write a review. I am a avid reader, even if I’m not a writer in any sense of the word, and therefore am WELL ve…

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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Rhythm of the Rain - Chapter 2
Version 1
6 Reviews   4 Comments
Chapter 2 The footprint in the mud had become less visible as it continued to be assaulted by the rain. While Lt. Brian Grey of the Aeron Creek Police Department felt that it was a great indicator as to where the suspect had fled, it wasn’t exactly what you would call a lasting piece of evidence. It not like forensics was going to be able to determine anything in this downpour. Which reminds me, Brian thought, what the hell is up with those guys? Rush job or not, I should have seen them...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Rhythm of the Rain - Prologue and Chapter 1
Version 1
6 Reviews   2 Comments
Prologue This sucks, she thought as the water crested at her neck. Her every move caused the icy liquid to slap upward towards her face. She couldn’t decide what bothered her more: the invasive river water, the torrential downpour assaulting her face, or the fact that almost ever other step caused her to encounter some root or rock resting on the river bed that she had no chance in Hell of seeing, let alone avoiding. She had grown accustomed to the stinging that accompanied each raind...
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Reviews
Action Adventure / Grace
by Fido
Locked
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Angus' Beef
by CapnBlueballs
Please read notes to the reviewed. I really liked this piece. Very Gulliver's travels with a much more modern take. You've got a decent style that I personally enjoy. I very much liked the begining. I am VERY intruiged to read more. Now, some notes: 1) I cast this stone at you only with the knowledge that I am VERY guilty of it myself: Try not to write as you speak. In all honesty, read this out loud and you'll notice some wordiness that can easily be cut due to your writing, in an attempt to...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Lost Truth-Chapter 1
by slbynum3
Please read notes to the reviewed in profile. You've got a very solid piece here. You've got characters with some depth and a great sense of exposition, especiall when it comes to action. Some notes: "Royan always addressed his" This paragraph seems wordy. Also, its like too many thoughts are trying to cram themselves into it. Consider rewriting and condensing. Avoid the "Noun + verb. Noun + verb" format. You don't do it often, but there are some places. It makes it very choppy and hard to fo...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Lydia (2.0)
by bloggeratf
Please read notes to the reviewed in profile. THIS PIECE IS FANTASTIC. Sorry, had to get the dorkiness out of the way first. You do a great job of blending inner monolouge and dialouge between your two characters. Your techno babble is such that it does not overwhealm the reader and yet does a fabulous job of transporting us out of our universe and into yours. Two Notes: 1) Xenos... if you used the term more than once, I'd understand, but to the average person, they have no idea what it means...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Sumelia Katari-Chapter 1
by Sumelia
Please read notes to the reviewed in profile: Okay, you've got the framework of a good first chapter. You've got some good humor as well as decent dialouge between your characters. Some notes: Give us an initial description of Tessa when she first encounters Victore and Sume (which, by the way, make the naming of this character consistent through out the piece). Yes, Tessa's persuers give us a description, but what were Victore's and Sume's first impressions. This lets us know a bit more abou...
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