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BlueInfinityPoet's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
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There she goes again wandering though the unforgiving desert of self-righteous martyrdom wrapped up in hypersensitive emotion just to get the victory an empty one She does not listen to the loneliness that feels this dreaded four walled prison her prison my prison! I want it to stop to melt away all the troubles just fade! Broken open my heart on stained carpet feeling like an animal trapped, howling at the moon! Blue Infinity Poems (C) 2008 L.Wayne Russell
Version 1
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Wandering through bleak hemisphere lost, alone On crystal beaches I tread bound in cast iron shackles thrown upon some, unforgiving earth My feet harvest blisters on there undersides as reluctant, they pound scalding sand beneath I've been here for days no food no water no asylum no love By night, I freeze By day, I circum to the merciless, tentacles of an ill fated sun Blue Infinity Poems (C) 2008 L.Wayne Russell
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some great ideas however, by the third stanza i was loosing interest. it was kind of like reading a novel with some interesting metaphors thrown in for good measure. some of the words such as "fire" in the first sentence first stanza sound boring, to me anyway. maybe change that word with something more exciting. in my opinion, i would go for a re-write keeping some of the lines that help define this poem, such as... "some ugly cave of judgment."
optimistic and looking to a bright and better future, however not artistic enough for my taste, anyway.
nicely done i like the colorful metaphors, rich full of sorrow and disdain.
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