Good job keeping this drabble to exactly 100 words - tricky, isn't it!? There were a few typos and misspelt words, but those are easily fixed: "...to be [and] outsider..." and = an unfortuneatly = unfortunately after words = afterword (but you can just use "after" here) nausia = nausea There were several sentences that would be considered incomplete: "Her face [was] bright red." (combine this with the next two sentences, which are also incomplete) "Her face was bright red, tears running down,...

Ha ha! This is quite a clever limerick. The rhymes were all well done. I would change "were" in L2 to "was." He was drowned for trying to be cool! Poor guy! Thank you. :)

I'm sorry to hear that your uncle lost his battle with cancer. This is a heartfelt poem, and as such is hard to review. You did a good job with this poem. I like how the "hand" in the poem starts out tough and gets progressively gentler. My favorite stanza was #6: the idea of God "cutting" the fear from the man is reminiscent of surgery, and I like how the man is left feeling "whole" after having something removed from him. This would normally seem like a contradiction (usually when something...

Great story! Bonita was imposing her own fears on Pretty; that Pretty would be judged on her looks by the "mean-faced" people of the world. But her fears - though real to her based on past experience - were unwarranted in Pretty's case. When people saw Pretty, they didn't see an ugly little girl, they saw the innocent sparkle in her eyes. One area that I would consider changing, because it detracts from Pretty's innocent nature, would be the first half of the sentence that references Pretty g...

Though I do like the breadth/depth/breath rhymes, "width" and "breadth" mean the same thing, rendering this first line redundant. One of those two words should be replaced, but since you have the aforementioned three words that rhyme, you should be able to do so without affecting your rhyme scheme. Within suffocating depths, I find life in your breath. I breathe in and sigh, two beings side by side. C4 - "Rome" should be capitalized, but might I suggest something less specific? The rest of th...

Superb title! It gives the feeling that death is our inevitable fate, yet the speaker of the poem is willing to embrace it because of their faith in the afterlife. Your teacher had some very good advice about trying to even up the lines, especially since you have a bit of rhyme going on: far/star. You could remedy this by avoiding the repetition of the word "destination" (perhaps removing it from the text altogether), allowing your title to speak for itself. I would then try to pare down the ...

This takes place in Austin (I assume Texas), and lines 3 and 4 do a great job of painting a picture of a modern western city. Concrete canyons, steel peaks, and asphalt plains make me think of city streets running between skyscrapers, and of large parking lots, while hearkening back to the old west. This continues nicely with card key dens and wrought iron lairs. Lines 5 and 6: I would reword L5 to read "where dog eats dog" and remove L6. L6 seems unnecessary, and the repeated pluralization o...

Interesting first sentence. It truly made me think: "What would I picture when it comes to the idea of a quiet person?" "Well, this person..." This is a bit ambiguous. Perhaps, "The person I am thinking of..." Separate this sentence from the next using a semicolon (;), since both sentences deal with the same subject, as follows: "...the absolute opposite; he is the most gorgeous..." I would recommend a different word in place of "somebody" and suggest not pluralizing "class." Perhaps replace ...

Quite funny, you naughty little girl! And you say this was derived from a true story!? Even funnier! The main problem seems to be clarity; the joke seems to be going over too many reader's heads. This is understandable since neither the title, nor the main text, hints at the joke. Perhaps use a title that points to the religious context and the underlying humor: Bound for Glory? Also, try to work words into the text that give the reader a hint about the story's true nature: The minister tried...

Brilliant new title; much better than version one. As with version one, you still have 101 words here: "snacks/childcare" is two words, but your word processor must be counting them as one. I'm still not convinced you even need this line -- especially if the board is already too small for the minister to spell out "BDSM." "...struck with an idea: mixers!" <- Give the colon some LOVE, baby! :p Along with the title, it is good to see that you allude to the sadomasochistic joke by giving us s...