Brian's profile

Brian avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: Germantown, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 06
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Quotes / Six Words
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
Creation makes my heart beat faster.
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Version 2
29 Reviews   13 Comments
My lover's cries haunt my nights. I held her hand while she let go Life- Her pale skin turned white her warm touch, cold, but gentle. I held her close- my lover's life still stains a shirt hung in a dark closet's corner. No tear made its way from hazel eyes to winter-rosy cheeks. No last words from lip to ear. Only a simple scent- Blood, Jasmine, Street-pavement- and her whimpering cry to echo in that last silence. I crossed her arms kissed her lips one last time and I closed her eyes For good.
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Version 1
3 Reviews   7 Comments
My lover's cries haunt my nights. I held her hand while she let go Life- Her pale skin turned white her warm touch, cold, but gentle. I held her close- my lover's life still stains a shirt hung in a dark closet's corner. No tear made its way from hazel eyes to winter-rosy cheeks. No last words from lip to ear. Only a simple scent- Blood, Jasmine, Street-pavement- and her whimpering cry to echo in that last silence. I crossed her arms kissed her lips one last time and I closed her eyes For good.
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Version 4
29 Reviews   16 Comments
Winter's walkway lies covered in Death's dust. Cold to touch, it fills my shoes on my effort-filled stumblings through barren lands. A dead forest, Winter's forest, stands before me. Naked and trembling the ice-touch takes their lives. Soon, I will join them. I sit and watch Darkness driving light from earth. We prayed that night: Father, SOn, Holy Ghost and I. They prayed for Incomprehensible Unity but not for I- Pride let himself in as I fought Death's Trembling Touch. There, in the dead fo...
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Version 3
4 Reviews   6 Comments
Winter's walkway lies covered in Death's dust. Cold to touch, it fills my shoes on my effort-filled stumblings through barren lands. A dead forest, Winter's forest, stands before me. Naked and trembling the ice touch takes their lives. Soon, I will join them. I sit and watch Darkness driving light from earth. We prayed that night: Father, SOn, Holy Ghost and I. They prayed for Incomprehensible Unity but not for I- Pride let himself in as I fought Death's Trembling Touch. There, in the dead fo...
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Removed
Short Story / Love is
"eskomo" is spelt eskimo. I think it could be a beginning of a story, but this list is to long. There are moments where you used the title to turn the seemingly ordinary into "love", but a couple stood out as big question marks to me. 1). "Too stupid to see the sign" 2). "rotting houses" 3). "acoustical" 4). "less than three" 5). "beautifully sad" (I think this one especially stood out because it is an abstract concept as opposed to the images you were giving). 6). "telling me to shut up with...
Locked
I like the ironic ending, but I'm not sure I like the shift in structure that took place between stanza one and two. The first stanza reads more like a sentence, where the following three are more or less incomplete clauses. On one end this could be viewed as a nice touch of what became of this person's world when asked the question (structure begins to fail), however you bring back the structure in the end. I would lean towards giving those central stanzas the same level of structure seen in...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Beautiful, I love the line, "glide into moonlight." This is an excellent poem that seems so simple, but as I unwrapped each line I found some wonderful nuances like in the line, "but it fills an hour." There are so many directions that forced my mind to wander, it made me ask questions, and recall past experience. The rhythm is also excellent. It flows from line to line and thought to thought. Combine these with the twist of irony in the last two lines, and all I can say is, "Job well done."