Bridgeport's profile

5/25/2007 "Not good. Real fuckin bad, actually." "You sayin you wanna go home?" "Badly." "Okay Steve. Get gone. You look like someone brushed you down with mayonnaise." It was Friday at noon and somebody'd cranked up the sterno stove under my skull. It was hot upstairs, the simmer was on, and when I moved my head, my brain slammed against the hot plates bracketing my bubble gum thinkmeat. I hurt. Over the course of the weekend I sweat soaked my pillows, blankets, skivvies, and in one unfortun...

Spark “I’ll take a gyros with no tomatoes, well done, to go.” “$4.94, please.” I paid for the awful beast and settled in to wait for my food. A short Mexican with slicked back rockabilly hair, dirty fingernails, and blood red eyes walked out of the bathroom. He’d washed his hands after using the commode, but to dry them, he used his apron, which was encrusted with tzatziki sauce. He was trading shit smears for the crust of dried yogurt cucumber sauce. His face looked familiar. Was it Jose, ...

“Steve, you there? Steve, answer!” My Nextel was chirping. It was one of my roommates. Did I feel like answering? Surely this would be a scolding for dishes unwashed, a plea for toilet paper, or perhaps news that the whole place burned to the ground after an accident during a fart lighting contest. I answered anyways, leery, and braced for peskyness. “Yeah, go ahead.” “I just got a pool for the ballroom.” “Why do you need a tool? A screwdriver? A hammer? Nothing is broken. Right?” “Not a tool...

I had a spectacular arachnoerotic vision. I know my future. I have plans this weekend. Next Saturday I'll take a walk across the street. A narrow strip of deciduous trees separates the Des Plaines River from River Road. I've never been down there, but I know what to expect. I'll see a sluggish river clogged thick with algae. Fallen tress will lay across the banks, their former apexes now drowned in the lazy, murky current. Fractured stumps will fight a losing battle against the slow rot of hu...

“I’m turning 21 at midnight! You gotta come drink with me!” “Sure, absolutely! You’re finally getting your juice card! This is great! Where at?” “There’s a little tiki bar on River Road. Lots of fruity drinks full of yummy goodness. I’m gonna try to keep my composure and not get too trashed. Plus I’ll have my girlfriends there to protect me from all the sleazy guys trying to take the drunk chick home for a one night stand.” “They can’t protect you from me. I’ll ply you with vodka and rough ki...