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Brien_James_Dawson's profile

Brien_James_Dawson avatar
AGE: 29
LOC: Saint Augustine, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 12

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation

I co-edit SLURVE

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Items
Version 1
8 Reviews   1 Comment
She didn’t marry mere man, but a serf, Someone to rake the bad moments in piles And rise with the cockcrow to brew coffee. Have you ever been blinded by butterflies, Swarm of her eye and mouth around you Flicking on and off, offering leaf and limb? A country besieged in bed sheets, Her motherland exposed- A battle ground, convincing him She is Stalingrad, fight for me. What will become of me When I can no longer Turn her on?
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
A great city is that which has the greatest men and women. In bon ton Los Angeles, with its arrant drive for success, anyone can become a stereotype or be caught with one on a street corner or a Porsche. That’s how this city lives, without reason or shame. I like to sit on and watch the people who fit nicely into boxes. I count BMW's to pass time on the stoop. I count hybrid suburban utility vehicles with green peace stickers. I watch the people on the bus watch the people in the cars and I a...
Poetry / Tea For Two
Version 1
37 Reviews   28 Comments
1. You’re four weeks in the womb, I am trying to read a chapbook from a printing press. My hands are moist. They called her name an hour ago. I desire to know why the head nurse moves as if hoisted from a forklift. There are four of us men. We don’t meet eyes. Fluorescent lights baptize me with migraine. One of us coughs. Another watches the HBO movie on the 18-inch TV. I want a guarantee. One of us has been in the restroom for far too long. It’s so hard to cry in front of men. Clean. Dismal....
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
33 Reviews   4 Comments
1. Somewhere downtown was a staple of conversation. Every sentence started or ended with somewhere downtown. Summer shows its face, shirts slowly lose sleeves and the skirts, they sway to the movement of jazz music. Heat hovers over you like a halo. Left alone at night, I am with the blues, the bay cat's-paw slithers a shimmy past the old cistern, gunning my bones and I shiver. I got nothing left but living. 2. In this town, everything is pavement. A woman at a bus stop collects her hair and ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
16 Reviews   12 Comments
I arrive from work to find the new copy of some magazine you're published in positioned just so I'd see it, not that you wanted it to sit like a pair of boobs on the coffee table, its just my luck. You're at the Bookstore and I haven't sent out a submission in months. I smoke a cigarette, my god I've mentioned cigarettes, I'm trite, You'll find me reading "Letters to a young poet", I'll mention some kind of drug and then sex or something that some way deals with sex, I'm losing it completely....
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / Sentimental
There is a lot of telling here. Lines like "Delicate perfection", "I love you this" and "I love you that" and "Maybe someday we’ll all wake up". If you were to "show" the reader more, it would really help bring the reader into the piece. This is a very long piece and could really be cut down quite a bit. There is a lot of fat here, lines that aren't needed to get the gist across.
Poetry / Love
The formatting is off, you might want to check that out. It could just be Urbis, but if it isn't, you really need to think about using line breaks. Line Breaks would really help open this piece up. The next thing I would do is really try to use more images and not be so straight forward in your poesy. Show don't tell the reader. The use of abstracts really take away from this piece. Instead of saying "morals", couldn't you have been far more specific...which would only help get your point acr...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Claire_D on Jazz
I've always found it funny how people use the tools of elitism when condemning another for being elite. Also, aren't blanket generalizations a fallacy of reasoning? Great use of five dollar words and over stretched images. You do have music inside your lines, which is more than most can say.
Poetry / Untitled
The very first line, though rich with alliteration, comes across as awkward. Sip-sipping comes across as very forced and fat to boot. This piece is really hurt by the vagueness. I find myself wishing for something solid I can hold onto, such as some strong imagery or specific facts.
Poetry / Ukraine
I feel that this is many poems under one title and that works sometimes and then it doesn't. You have a very strong ability to create music in your lines and that really helps give the piece movement. Again, a great use of alliteration and other internal rhyme patterns. Overall, the feelings created by many piece in one really takes away from the piece and I could see this being a small collection of poems/chapbook, but as a single standing piece it just doesn't work for me. Only my opinion.