BrownPaperBag's profile

You have some minor errors here and there, I'll list them: *They want people who can produce good clean copy and have good ideas.* Change to: "...who can produce -a- clean copy and have good ideas." I removed the other good because it sounded repetitive. Whether or not that matters to you is at your discretion. *Or least make an attempt...* "-at- least" And the preceding part: *...we all or at least most of us– make errors...* I would shorten it to: "-at least most of us- make errors..." just...

First: *Until I am know as you,* I'm sure you mean: "known as you". If not, I'm not quite positive as to what you're trying to say. Second: You use "fruit" so much, and though at the beginning it works nicely through repetition, after a certain point, the word starts tiring out. I think you should take advantage of your rich source of descriptive comparisons and instead find other interpretations of fruit. Ultimately, you'll still be saying the same thing, only that it'll portray your voice m...

*He had giant round eyes and there was a cuddly wonderment about him. He had a*... Add more variety, don't just use "He.." "He..", makes it sound repetitive. *He rolled over a few times and played oblivious to anyone or anything.* I think this sentence could be more dynamic if you described the action instead of just using a verb for it. *The boys had to scoff as they were dictated by that fundamental age in which the crux of cruelty acts as the interaction between the sexes.* The narrator sh...

As a rule of thumb, don't CAPS all of your writing, it looks messy and feels like you're screaming. If you want to add emphasis, *bold*, otherwise CAPS just have no place in professional writing. This poem has two problems that prevent it from reaching full potential: 1. Variety 2. Line Length *Variety* The only "style" that you use are rhyming couplets and when you've read it over and over in the same poem, it starts to get annoying, if not boring. Instead of doing: a, a, b, b. a, a, b, b. o...