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BuiltForSin's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 31
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 31
“You’re off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters.”
There also be teenagers struggling with faith, twenty something year olds gallivanting off to save the universe, and many many references made to Star Wars.
My name is Blaire. Up-and-coming writer. Struggling writer, really. Everything posted here is for fun so I can learn what I need to do with my novel. Hope I don’t bore you too bad. Hey, maybe we’ll even be friends?! XD
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
The address in the letter led Ellen to a small building right on the very edge of the town's business district. It was a really easy place to overlook and had the word PEACE printed on the glass. If she weren't specifically focused on finding it, though, she would have walked right past it to the flashier businesses. When she walked into the building she was expecting it to suddenly transport her to space, but it was a simple office with a plant in the corner, a Thomas Kinkade painting above ...
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Version 1
8 Reviews
16 Comments
Saturday was the only day of the week Ellen never planned anything. She wanted to be alone, with the exception of Megan, and wanted to be able to do whatever it was she wanted. Sometimes she'd read or write and then other times she'd pluck the strings of her acoustic guitar and sing, Johnny Cash lyrics winding from between chapped lips. Today she found herself laying on the couch watching Entertainment Tonight which was featuring some starlette that had let fame go too far to her head. Megan ...
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Reviews
"I threw my fork down on my plate, sending a few chunks of egg that were affixed onto the business end of the fork into the air." I know you already have it published, but I just want to point out that the second fork could easily have been removed and substituted with 'utensil'. That way 'fork' isn't being overused and it's not repeating anything said in the sentence already. And I hate to nitpick, but I'm going to point out while these two men may have been going 40 on the gravel, the offic...
"bureaucats" Bureaucrats. "stiffle" Stifle. I don't think this is publishable and I'm going to tell you why since you're on this site for critique and help. Because this is very blunt and in-your-face. I think if you redid this with imagery and metaphors it would come across as a much stronger piece than what you have here. If you did that it would also be easy to relate to all across the board, instead of just America. I've written a similar piece and a lady told me: "Political pieces should...
Oh my gosh, that is amazing. My only problems are the word 'doth' and the fact that 'well' and 'veil' don't seem to rhyme. I would also suggest breaking this up a bit, because the big block of text can be quite daunting.
"specie’s " Species'. "her through get up;" Her through her. "I hadn’t been followed said" And said. "parting out of our way." You could take out the latter bit of this and just keep 'parting', because 'parting' means 'to make a path'. I have to say, though, that this is an incredible idea and you could make this into a full fledged book idea. I must also say that reading Jesus' telephone conversation to Judas was somewhat hilarious.
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