I like this and I find it to be very true. You're right on corny, but it's not OVERLY cheesy to where it gags me when I'm reading it. I find it quite lovely.

Not exactly deep. I mean, yeah, everyone thinks they don't know anything about something, but you could have possibly worded it different. Maybe put a metaphor in there or something.

You have a typo in the second line. In the third line it would 'it's' as you are saying 'it is' not it belongs to something. Disappearing is spelled with two ps. Nightmares a scare. I'm not sure I understand. Nightmare is a scare? Nightmares are scary? The line just doesn't make sense.

"single minded" I would just insert a hyphen in between the words. Other than that I don't really have anything to point that that I see is "wrong" and that's just merely a suggestion. I think you describe the weekend in a way that the reader kind of feels like they're there.

"and, show me the ropes if you will." I would take out the comma you have and put one right after 'ropes'. "my mother hated though" I would just take out 'though' or add a comma before it, if you want to keep it in there. In the next sentence I would take out the comma where you have it and instead put it before 'but'. In the sentence after this I would again take out the word 'though'. You don't want to use that word too heavily or unnecessarily and, trust me, this comes from experience. "Ac...

"approached the corner were his" Where. "Kelan stormed off into his loft." I would take 'off' out of this sentence. You know, I don't know how to correct the 'whaling' term, but how you used it doesn't make sense. That to me would mean fishing for a whale. But there's a slang, but I'm not sure which whale/wail/wale to use. To be safe for that, I would just say to remove it and put in a different verb. Seems like a good idea, though, but I do think you're overusing slang words. 'Man' and 'chil...

"specie’s " Species'. "her through get up;" Her through her. "I hadn’t been followed said" And said. "parting out of our way." You could take out the latter bit of this and just keep 'parting', because 'parting' means 'to make a path'. I have to say, though, that this is an incredible idea and you could make this into a full fledged book idea. I must also say that reading Jesus' telephone conversation to Judas was somewhat hilarious.

Oh my gosh, that is amazing. My only problems are the word 'doth' and the fact that 'well' and 'veil' don't seem to rhyme. I would also suggest breaking this up a bit, because the big block of text can be quite daunting.

"bureaucats" Bureaucrats. "stiffle" Stifle. I don't think this is publishable and I'm going to tell you why since you're on this site for critique and help. Because this is very blunt and in-your-face. I think if you redid this with imagery and metaphors it would come across as a much stronger piece than what you have here. If you did that it would also be easy to relate to all across the board, instead of just America. I've written a similar piece and a lady told me: "Political pieces should...

"I threw my fork down on my plate, sending a few chunks of egg that were affixed onto the business end of the fork into the air." I know you already have it published, but I just want to point out that the second fork could easily have been removed and substituted with 'utensil'. That way 'fork' isn't being overused and it's not repeating anything said in the sentence already. And I hate to nitpick, but I'm going to point out while these two men may have been going 40 on the gravel, the offic...