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Butterflyaway's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Crawfordsville, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 13
LOC: Crawfordsville, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 13
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Version 1
5 Reviews
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Hysterically hunting Freedom to be found Infrangible infirmity Indigenously sound Painfully pounding Rhythmically rapping rage Treacherously taunting Tumultously tapping today Simultaneously slipping Further than far Repeatedly reaching Laboriously longing for love -Butterflyaway-
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Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
The time reads 12:30 a. m., I can tell that it will be another sleepless night. Pain fills my soul as I reminisce the past days. Questions thrive upon my mind. "What have I done to deserve this? When will the pain diminish? Why me? Why me? Why me?" Silence is all that is returned. Loneliness is endlessly reflecting off walls surrounding me. There is a bright glare staring at me fearlessly in the pupil of my eye. Curiosity taps at my shoulder. "What is gazing at me screaming out my name?" I r...
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Me personally can relate to the story, not with jazz though. i think that it is definitly magazine publishable, but I am learning the ways of yhe trade. I like the comparisons. very nice.
overall, i really had trouble getting it to work for me. the last line i would word it endlessly, upon the route she traveled. i would rearrange the 2nd stanza and put the last line first. i am a developing writer myself and have been trying various methods of writing I am a rhymer and would love to learn different so i cant completely help. I do enjoy the story in it though. butterflyaway
I understand the poem and the fact that it was about recovery (I was able to put myself in your writing and know it), but from a poetry aspect I couldn't make it work for me. You started by not rhyming then you started to rhyme then you stopped, either do or dont...it made it really hard to follow. good luck butterflyaway
line 24- it or is? the last two lines I can't get to sound right....maybe add a word to wait forever. or this...So go ahead, wait forever Cause y'all two losers-you belong together Did write this as a poem or lyrics for a song. Overall alright, although graphic in spots, but can overlook that. good luck! butterflyaway
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