Like my work, it was very simple and easy to understand the point in which you your trying to get across. The one thing that I am learning (unfortuneatly can't really explain how) is the way to rearrange your words to sound more mature. Is it publishable??? Maybe in a teen magazine, like this. It's alright though. Goodluck!!!!!

It's always good to be able to write how you are feeling. I used to write only about good or bad love and never actually about my true feelings. The true feelings that you are feeling whether dark or in an enlightened way are far more stronger when you put them on paper and a good stress reliever(lol). Personally I would just start by switching around the 2nd and 3rd stanzas. Lots of luck butterflyaway

Very powerful. I like (I dont know what its called) how you did the "closing in, breath on skin" through most of the poem. You made it to where you could almost visualize being right there.

I am not a leg. publisher thats why I put one. The way your words flow is so unbelievable. I have come to find that poetry either sounds very mature or on the young, unexperienced side (which is mine). It has left me speechless. A mouse that couldnt speak.... A grandma in a pink spotty dress...Remarkable. Applause*** Butterflyaway

I did enjoy it...probably not publishable material (this piece) but would like to review more from you to be able to critique better. It's very true and I will agree with every piece of it.

line 24- it or is? the last two lines I can't get to sound right....maybe add a word to wait forever. or this...So go ahead, wait forever Cause y'all two losers-you belong together Did write this as a poem or lyrics for a song. Overall alright, although graphic in spots, but can overlook that. good luck! butterflyaway

I understand the poem and the fact that it was about recovery (I was able to put myself in your writing and know it), but from a poetry aspect I couldn't make it work for me. You started by not rhyming then you started to rhyme then you stopped, either do or dont...it made it really hard to follow. good luck butterflyaway

overall, i really had trouble getting it to work for me. the last line i would word it endlessly, upon the route she traveled. i would rearrange the 2nd stanza and put the last line first. i am a developing writer myself and have been trying various methods of writing I am a rhymer and would love to learn different so i cant completely help. I do enjoy the story in it though. butterflyaway

Me personally can relate to the story, not with jazz though. i think that it is definitly magazine publishable, but I am learning the ways of yhe trade. I like the comparisons. very nice.